"There’s no hierarchy between us, just mutual respect and a shared understanding of what the other is carrying." Photo / Supplied
Bex and Scott La Franchie met doing a group project at university - Bex was hellbent on not getting lumped with teammates who would leave her with the lion’s share of the work.
Years later, this idea of equal partnership became the foundation of their relationship and their careers - they both wanted a partner, not just someone who carried the title of “husband” or “wife”.
The Titirangi couple have just celebrated their 14th wedding anniversary and have two daughters, aged 8 and 5, plus two cats and a German Shepherd they say is actually “a third child”.
The pair also work together at IT firm Datacom, meaning their relationship isn’t just tested at home; they’ve got to navigate the logistics of a workplace, too.
The couple recently took part in the Women in Leadership: Insights to Impact 2026 report, led by researcher and leadership expert Dr Amanda Sterling. The study found 36% of women identified partner support as a key driver for career progression into leadership.
As part of the Herald’s series, “How we make it work”, Bex and Scott explain how getting friend-zoned was a blessing, how they’ve helped each other succeed and what being a true partner looks like.
Scott has always been my counterbalance. He believes in me on the days I don’t believe in myself and grounds me when anxiety creeps in. It’s been that way since the start.
We met in our final year at AUT. We’d been thrown together to simulate the pressure of real business and after years of uneven group projects, my goal was simple: find someone smart, capable and not painful to work with. Scott stood out immediately - he was open, approachable, clearly intelligent, and yes, attractive. What I didn’t know then was that the working dynamic we formed in that classroom would become central to our life together.
We didn’t become a couple straight away; in fact, it took three years. We stayed loosely connected, but things shifted when Scott encouraged me to apply for a role at Orcon, where he worked. I got the job, suddenly we were colleagues and it slowly turned into something deeper.
Working together has become a defining thread in our relationship (we’ve done it three times) and now at Datacom, our roles are adjacent: I market the products Scott helps develop. There’s no hierarchy between us, just mutual respect and a shared understanding of what the other is carrying. That matters, because being a woman in the workplace is often exhausting.
Men still benefit from informal networks that quietly help each other up the ladder, while women are left navigating microaggressions that accumulate over time, like being talked over, having their expertise ignored, being told to smile or being “helpfully” explained to by men who are less qualified than they are.
These moments chip away at your confidence until you start questioning whether it’s worth pushing back at all.
That’s why choosing the right partner has been crucial for me, because without Scott’s support at home, that erosion would take a toll. It’s part of why so many women stall or leave the workforce altogether, particularly once children enter the equation and their partner’s career is treated as the default priority.
But when I feel burnt out, frustrated or overwhelmed, Scott offers pragmatic advice and his clear objective perspective.
At home, Scott shares the caregiving, chores and mental load that come with running a house with two kids. The household is another fulltime job on its own, so being able to rely on Scott to do his share is invaluable.
When I lost my dad, was made redundant and felt trapped in a toxic workplace, I felt worthless and overwhelmed. Scott knew he couldn’t fix it, so he listened, reminded me what was real and stood beside me until I could find my footing again.
What is key is that we support each other’s passions, paths, and make sure we aren’t just husband and wife, we are partners.
Getting “friend-zoned” is supposed to be the end of the story, but for us it was the foundation.
When I first met Bex, she had this mix of confidence, intelligence and humour that immediately stood out. I had a crush right away, but we built a genuine friendship first, without pressure or expectation.
By the time we properly got together years later, I proposed in Thailand after about nine months, and we got married in Auckland 18 months later.
Like any relationship, we’ve had our challenges, and when our eldest daughter was born, everything shifted for me. I put a huge amount of pressure on myself to succeed, provide and be a great dad and partner. That weight turned into anxiety and depression and it took time to rebalance.
What made the difference was Bex - she didn’t try to fix me; she just made it safe to talk. That space and support changed everything.
What’s kept us strong is making space for each other as individuals. Football and coaching give me balance, just like Taekwondo and the gym do for her and when one of us gets to recharge, everyone benefits.
I’ve come to realise how much choosing the right partner shapes your life - not just emotionally but practically. Your relationship directly affects your confidence, your ambition and your resilience at work.
Bex has backed me through career changes, self-doubt and big decisions like stepping away from a senior role to reset. That time ended up being one of the most valuable periods of my life and I wouldn’t have done it without her support.
While Bex and I have both been ambitious and career-focused, I’m very aware that many of the opportunities I’ve had come through systems that naturally reward traditionally male behaviours, stereotypes as they may be. A lot of those advantages are subtle when you’re benefiting from them, but hearing and seeing some of her workplace experiences over the years gave me a much greater appreciation for those differences.
I’ve also become much more aware of the hidden dynamics that sit underneath a relationship, especially around the mental load. For a long time, I thought I was doing my share at home. In many ways, I was, but I didn’t fully see the invisible work and the planning, organising, remembering that she carried.
If there’s one thing I’m sure about, it’s this: success isn’t just about what you do professionally, it’s about who you build your life with. And I don’t think I’d be the person I am, or have the opportunities I’ve had without Bex beside me.