Beck Vass: Why I'm a sh**ty mum

It isn't an easy task to be a great mother. But you have to keep your smarts. Photo / Getty Images

We are approaching an all-important childhood milestone: Our girl is about to turn 5.

I feel like I'm meant to be feeling a heap of things that I am just not feeling. Part of the reason for this might be that we have decided to delay her starting school until Term 1 next year.

I am unapologetic in admitting that the main reason we have opted to do this is for me.
Yes, I have chosen myself over my child.

That's a slight exaggeration. We did consult her trusted daycare teachers who agreed it would be less disruptive to our daughter if she just started school next year. If they advised starting sooner, we would have.

Initially, I thought we could use the first Christmas school holidays for some mum and daughter time (on the couple of days a week her brother, 2, goes to daycare). It would be fun.

And then I remembered weekends.

Her strong-willed stubbornness and volatility have a tendency to hold us hostage on weekends. So Monday to Friday has become the easier part of the week because of her daycare days.

I know that's terrible, but I have spoken to enough parents to know we are not alone.

Last year's birthday was a classic example of her sass.

The cake was wrong, her brand new bike was the wrong colour ... it didn't matter what we did for her. Most of the time, it was all wrong.

While she has outgrown such extremes (I hope - I'll update you in a couple of weeks), we still have some weekends where I want to pack a bag and run away to a small, quiet Pacific island where there's no one for me to clean up after and no one complaining about everything. Not that I've given it much thought or anything.

I know these difficulties may be to do with us, something we are doing or not doing, but no one has had a suggestion that has changed things (Nigel Latta, please call me!). So, we made the decision.

Six weeks of my girl and I together could cause a devastating seismic event. I'm doing everyone a service.

Of course I enjoy spending time with her. But logic kicked in when I thought about the reality of an entire six weeks. And I realised we have one summer to continue with daycare and the rest of our lives to be driven around the bend during school holidays, alongside every other parent.

I might be a s***ty mum, but at least I'm smart.