Beck Vass: What is my husband teaching my child?

I was shocked and disturbed by my daughter's sudden act of violence. Photo / Getty Images

It pays to make sure you're on the same page with your partner when it comes to parenting.

In the haze of having a newborn and being busy with the stresses children bring, so many things get overlooked.

For example, the week our son was born, we got a trampoline. In those days of adjusting to life with a two-year-old and a newborn, that thing was a Godsend.

A cage we could keep our toddler in! And it tired her out!

She was also obsessed with toy babies back then. As much as conforming to gender stereotypes - letting her role play being a slave to a baby like I was - made my skin crawl, we bought her a toy baby as a present from her newborn brother.

We saw it as a bribe of sorts to like him (which didn't work). Plus she could play with her baby when I had to play with mine.

I thought it would be a great way to teach her to be gentle with babies, too.

Well, I might as well have had twins: Every time I had to do something with my son, I had to do it to "Present Baby", as she became known.

If I had to burp my boy, I had Present Baby shoved in my face by my girl, demanding I do the same to her baby.

I had to change Present Baby's clothes, cuddle her, and sing her songs.

One day, while her brother was asleep, I was sitting on the trampoline in the sun playing with our girl.

I was left stunned when she threw Present Baby toward the basketball hoop attached to the trampoline's safety net.

"No, we don't do that to baby. We look after babies and we are gentle with them," I said, shocked and disturbed by the sudden act of violence as I envisioned our daughter throwing her newborn brother out a window or something similar.

I'm raising a serial killer who will probably take to puppies next - before she turns to people.

Where have I gone wrong?

When my husband got home from work I expressed my concerns.

"Hey, she threw Present Baby at the basketball hoop today," I said, rife with worry.

He replied: "Yeah, that's what we play when we're on the trampoline. She likes seeing me get goals with her."