Beck Vass: The problem with cheap and nasty toys

There is problem with kids toys that Beck Vass wants parents to beware of. Photo / Getty Images

We have just returned from a holiday in my hometown, Nelson.

During this trip, my mum took our kids on a glorious (for me because I wasn't there) walk to a park, leaving my husband and I wandering around the famous Nelson Market with all the food you could ever want, which we were able to eat in peace without having to share with anyone.

So, my mum takes the kids back home via the park, which she gets to by passing one of those $2-type shops.

She lets them choose one thing each and splurges a full $4 on a wand and sword that will keep them entertained for half an hour but will cause WWIII when they break while still in the Novelty Stage, sheer minutes before they would have been discarded and forgotten about forever, except for the times other sibling seemed mildly interested in them.

We get back from the Most Blissful Morning Ever, full of food we didn't have to share, and me with a new dress because I was able to look in a shop to find one, to arguments over these toys.

Then, the whining started:

Daughter, five: "He hit me with his sword."

Son, not-quite three: "She won't give my sword back."

Son runs away with wand, grinning.

*Screaming: "HE HAS MY WAND! I CAN'T FIND MY WAND! Where is my wand? He stole my wand!"

I'm as guilty as the next person for buying cheap and nasty junk that is polluting the environment and possibly the product of who knows what kind of child-or-slave labour in Asia, but OH MY GOD, can someone save me from this hell?

I took one look at that wand and knew it was going to ruin my life because it was going to break.

The foam sword, I predicted, would be bent in an act of revenge by an angry older sister furious at a little brother who regularly likes to wind her up for her (always very impressive) reactions.

Sure enough, on our way into town two days later, I was 100m behind my husband and kids as our girl had a massive hissy fit because she didn't want to put long sleeves on.

I could hear the screaming and protesting before I saw them and as planned to drag her back home so she could sit this trip out, her screaming became so awful I thought she must have broken a bone.

Guilt struck, briefly, until I could see my husband sort-of chuckling looking down at his feet, where I saw the Wand from Hell on the ground in pieces, as our girl lay slobbering all over herself and the pavement over this piece of crap that was always going to break after five minutes.

The wand is question is now broken. Photo / Supplied

First world problem, if ever I saw one.

Do you know some kids don't even HAVE wands? Probably the kids that helped make it.

Some kids don't even have #^@&ing WATER but you just go ahead and collapse there, Mark Lundy.

Mum said she could fix the wand and glued it. (FFS)!

And so, the Wand That Was Always Going To Break was reincarnated as The Wand That is Definitely Going to Break Again.

For the past two weeks, we have suffered through slightly different versions of the earlier-mentioned fight.

Tonight the wand broke again.

I glanced at the clock as I prepared dinner. 5.30pm.

I decided to handle this the proper way, once and for all.

"Daddy will fix it when he gets home."