Soper was admitted to hospital in mid-September after doctors found a blockage in his heart. He told the Herald at the time that his diagnosis came as a “bit of a shock”, but the surgery was successful in repairing the damage.
It’s been a month since the surgery, but speaking to Paula Bennett on her NZ Herald podcast Ask Me Anything, du Plessis-Allan said it remains an intense experience as there is a slow recovery time.
“They say that people who go through heart surgery often end up with a bout of quite bad depression or like a personality change, and I think I understand why, because I think everybody sees before you go into heart surgery, Oh my gosh, you’re not going to know yourself, you’re going to have your aorta pumping 100 per cent instead of five per cent, and you’re just going to be so fit and amazing.
“And I think Barry thought he’d have surgery, he’d be up in a week, basically walking all over the shop because he’d have so much energy, and it is not what happens,” du Plessis-Allan said.
“What happens is that, sure, your heart is pumping a lot of blood, but you just went under general anaesthetic for hours. You were put on a machine that supported your life. While you went under there, then you died and had CPR. Then you had to have a pacemaker and then you also had to have another surgery to fix what they did in the CPR.”
She revealed she received a phone call around 2am from the anaesthetist to tell her that Soper had collapsed but received no other information, but knew that a collapse wouldn’t be enough to warrant a phone call.
“And so by five that morning, I figured out he’d done CPR and stuff. And so that’s like that kind of emotional ride of, of not being sure everything’s going to be okay while they’re in an intensive care setting, then being okay, but then another setback, then being okay, and another setback. That’s just really like a lot of emotional drama to go through.”
Heather du Plessis-Allan spoke to Ask Me Anything about growing up in a Zionist Christian commune. Photo / Greg Bowker
Du Plessis-Allan told Bennett while the past few weeks have been difficult, with her raising the couple’s toddler Iggy amid work and the recovery, it has revealed to her that she is more resilient than she thought.
Her strength and ability to stand up for herself dates back to her childhood. Du Plessis-Allan spent her childhood years in South Africa with her mum and brother, a large chunk of that time in a religious commune.
Initially, the three of them were in one room in a big house, before moving to a farm that was gifted to the commune when her mum remarried. While she enjoyed aspects of that life, including being surrounded by lots of people playing guitar that appealed to her when she was a child, du Plessis-Allan didn’t enjoy some of the attitudes towards the role of women within the commune - particularly when it came to the fractious relationship with her stepfather.
“I remember him or somebody saying to me, the man is the priest of the household. He’s the leader of the household and you must defer to him. And I remember thinking, this guy is such a dropkick. He’s an alcoholic with major emotional issues. Why is he the head of the household and not my mum, who’s a well-put-together person who’s basically actually controlling the whole situation and looking after everybody?
“And it just really offended me, and that made my stroppiness probably worse because when you try to force respect on a young person, you get the opposite result.”
But, du Plessis-Allan said that difficult relationship has helped her become who she is today.
Listen to the full podcast to hear more from Heather and Paula on parenting, politics, and how to hold people to account
Ask Me Anything is an NZ Herald podcast, hosted by Paula Bennett. New episodes are out every Sunday.
