Kāpiti mayor K Gurunathan: Kidz Need Dadz gives father's hope

Thumbs up by Kāpiti mayor K Gurunathan at a Kidz Need Dadz event.

Weekly column by Kāpiti mayor K Gurunathan.

I felt it as a sadness but a type of sadness that eluded a clear description so I was unable to grasp the depth of the emotional hole in the person I was talking to.

It was Sunday afternoon and I was at the Kapiti Tenpin Bowling Centre.

Volunteer organisation Kidz Need Dadz was holding a family event.

The dad I was talking to, let's just call him Tom, rescued me at the entrance where I found I had to wait my turn to get in.

Covid-19 social distancing rules meant there were only 100 people allowed in at any one time.

Staff were strictly regimenting the rules and families waited outside in the cold wind to get in.

Tom arrived to rescue me.

Apparently, my place number had already been included as part of the 100 already in the building.

It was bustling inside as families were busy enjoying their bowling experience.

The diverse community included Māori and a large family of Ethiopians.

Tom's personal story was an emotional journey of confusion and helplessness.

A broken relationship and the threat of losing his baby daughter.

Tom spoke of other men under similar emotional stress, unable to negotiate through the maze of Family Court processes, burdened by mounting legal costs, imploding into self-harm or exploding in violence.

That's where organisations like Kidz Need Dadz have stepped in, to help them navigate through the complex process with its share of emotional minefields.

"Our key point is to keep the child at the centre of the outcome.

"They need equal access to both parents to prosper and both parents need equal access to the child.

"That's the ideal," Tom said.

The organisation gets alongside the dads helping them to work through the system giving them hope, reducing the need to use lawyers and the huge costs that go with it.

Without this hope and the skills needed to navigate the legal process and secure access to a nurturing relationship with their children there is a real danger of a type of soul-deep alienation that has led to terrible situations.

Relationship break-ups and family separations are a fact of life.

The civilised management of the lives of those involved, especially the delicate emotional and spiritual lives of the children, is a very important part of community responsibility.

I know there are those who believe that councils should keep to their core responsibilities of rubbish collection, water supply and stormwater management.

They should be reminded that social wellbeing is a tenet embedded in the Local Government Act.

Alongside several local businesses, the KCDC gave Kidz Need Dadz a grant to organise this Father's Day event at Kāpiti Tenpin Bowling. I'm glad we did.

To conclude, here's a quote from former Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard: "My father was my inspiration.

"He taught me nothing comes without hard work, and demonstrated to me what hard work meant as a shift worker with two jobs.

"He taught me to be passionate about fairness. He taught me to believe in Labour and in trade unionism.

"But, above all, he taught me to love learning and to understand its power to change lives."