Rosina Hauiti failed to get the Waitangi Tribunal to declare her Tongan husband a taonga (treasure) to avoid deportation. Here is her view.
KEY POINTS:
Going public with one's personal life is an invasive, terrifying and humiliating experience. It is an extreme measure which New Zealanders shouldn't have to undergo to be heard.
The Immigration Service has always been abreast of the status of our relationship. This includes the conviction for assault 12
months ago, for which Mofuike [Fonua, her husband] was discharged with court costs, and ordered to undergo counselling for anger management. He is not a terrorist or murderer, and I don't mean to minimise the offence or demean victims of family violence. However, the judge's ruling reflected a willingness to take into consideration that Mofuike comes from a culture that teaches some bad behaviour is acceptable, including violence.
It has been an extremely hard road for us and our families. It has meant long periods apart. It has tested my patience but not as much as the cold-hearted draconian dawn-raidish attitude of the Immigration Service.
My behaviour also deteriorated as a consequence, many tears have been shed and hearts have been broken. Our support for one another, which includes remorse and forgiveness, however, has never wavered.
Many have asked how I can claim my husband is taonga after the assault. We have been accused of not having a genuine marriage, been the subject of much public scrutiny and ridicule, yet I regret nothing.
Mofuike's personal journey, his struggle to overcome his demons, has only served to deepen and strengthen the love between us. If the ones we love the most are not our taonga, our treasures - then what does that say of our humanity.
Obviously, I don't condone violence but neither do I advocate for the continued vilification of our men folk. This is especially true where there is opportunity for rehabilitation and where desire for reform is genuine. Family violence is a subject I often write about, including a recent interview with rock'n'roll legend Chubby Checker. The singer, who is heavily involved in a men's support programme in the United States, is also an ardent advocate of rehabilitation.
The conviction and Waitangi Tribunal claim are but side issues. Where the injustice must surely be is the Immigration Service refusal to speak to or meet us. They say they don't have to tell us anything, that they can remove at will any immigrant, including revoking residency or citizenship. How then can they even begin to make an accurate assessment of our relationship, of the efforts made to be accountable, responsible and active in rehabilitation without at least meeting us. We have yet to see the file, but it would be naïve to imagine the reasons behind the refusal, to be anything else than the conviction.
Going the Waitangi Tribunal route did not come lightly but where else could we go after repeated refusals by Mr Cunliffe [Immigration Minister David Cunliffe] to meet, if not to our own? Why is it an offence to want Maori to make a moral judgment on our predicament? It's not that we wished to circumvent the process, nor take advantage where non-Maori cannot, and certainly not to dishonour those whose claims were before ours.
It's the voice we are after, the right to be heard and treated fairly and decently. Mr Cunliffe and company need to upskill and make reforms within the Immigration Service culture. They need to run their thinking lines parallel with the justice system.
The judge recognised a cultural flaw and gave opportunity to reform. He took that opportunity. Many politicians and bureaucrats in office would also do well to reform their own personal standards.
Despite support, in the cold hard reality of day, Mofuike and I have only one another for consolation. Perhaps Mr Cunliffe is waiting for us to cut our own throats through the public furore over the conviction and Waitangi claim. We have nothing yet everything to lose. Mr Cunliffe must know this or else why the silence?
We are not pariahs but human beings with shortcomings like everyone else. We all make mistakes; most of us pay the price and just try and move forward in life.
And that's all we want; the right to be heard, the right to plead our case and to defend our right to be together.