Brian Rudman: Water, water everywhere, if we're not careful

The silly season has struck really early this Christmas. Could it be climate change? Well that's certainly the case for Waitakere Mayor Bob Harvey who has filled his monthly mayoral letter with musings about what if a New Orleans-type "weather bomb" struck his beloved city.

Just to scare himself totally, he's beavered away at his computer and superimposed flood scenes from the American South on to snaps of local landmarks such as Waipareira House.

Fudging the fact that New Orleans lies well below sea level, while his city lurks in the foothills of a mountain range, Mr Harvey warns that Henderson, "the business and cultural" heart, sits between two streams that can be "raging torrents" in a storm.

While Mayor Bob is preparing for his day as Noah, down in South Auckland taxpayer-funded health providers Peter Caccioppoli and Dr Rhys Cullen have published a book advising Maori it's their right - duty almost - to eat, smoke and drink themselves to death, and not to believe any "house nigger" or "health nazi" who says different.

Mr Caccioppoli says that dieting and healthy eating has proved "ineffectual" for Maori and that "we should be developing a poly pill". Poly, as in "multiple solutions" presumably, not Polynesian.

These are the same guys that National Party leader Don Brash latched on to during the election campaign declaring "You need the support of taxpayers for what you are doing and I'm committed to helping you achieve that".

Dr Brash, at that stage, was giving his blessing to another of the duo's enterprises, an illegal school, which, the Herald later pointed out to the politician, was operating without registered teachers or proper classrooms and being prosecuted.

Despite this embarrassing news, Dr Brash repeated his support. I can't wait for his endorsements of the poly pills.

While Mr Caccioppoli and Dr Cullen are demanding a magic health pill to cure the obesity and diabetes epidemic, Manukau school boards have been succumbing to the charms of a salesman offering them the elixir of life.

The old expression "there's one born every minute" came to mind when I read in the latest Manukau Courier that nine Manukau schools had bought "filtered water fountain systems" at $2300 a pop.

I'm not certain whether that means $2300 a fountain, or for a whole installation, but I fear from what Flat Bush School principal Pat Chamley is reported as saying that it might be per fountain.

"We originally installed only three because of the expense," he is quoted as saying, "but with some funding from a local gaming trust we were able to provide enough money for another three."

And why? "We wanted to get the chemicals out of their [the kids] drinking water and because we've banned soft drinks at school we needed to offer a decent alternative."

What chemicals, for goodness' sake?

The local paper parrots the salesman's claim that his system filters out chemicals and contaminants, including chlorine, arsenic, bacteria, copper, potassium and aluminium, implying without question that Auckland's water is full of the stuff. And in that, they're being as gullible as the nine schools who've fallen for the sales patter.

No doubt the filters do remove the above - when they're new and unclogged at least. But it might have been sensible for the schools to have checked whether the water being supplied by Manukau Water from Watercare's treatment plants contained quantities of any of the above. Raveen Jaduram, general manager Manukau Water, says the short answer is no, and that it was a shame none of the schools checked with him beforehand.

He said if any of the schools were concerned about the quality of the water supply - perhaps because of worries about old school piping - Manukau Water would test the water for free.

Mr Jaduram is proud that Auckland's water supply meets every quality standard going. He's even been known to embarrass his wife while shopping at St Lukes by challenging the water filtration plant salesman in the mall entrance to justify the need for his product.

I wonder whether schools elsewhere have been similarly suckered.