"While I'd been watching the Super Bowl on television in New York, they were snuggling in her private box at the Hard Rock Stadium at Miami Gardens. There were the paparazzi as he escorted her away, her pink hair flowing and sequins pasted around her eyes."
She says she is not the first person to discover their ex has moved on, but comparing oneself with Lady Gaga is a fool's errand.
"Ideally the ex's life didn't improve too much without you?" she wrote. "In this case, though, that's all upended. How do you compare yourself with Lady Gaga?"
Mainly through positivity, Crouse reckoned.
"Lady Gaga is amazing. Comparing yourself with her is incredibly motivational, and I recommend you try it, regardless of how you relate to who's dating her."
For Crouse this manifested itself by buying an expensive dress - "'I've never owned anything that costs more than a week's worth of groceries," she wrote - buying large coffees instead of medium and forwarding on kind words sent to her about her work from her boss.
"'If Lady Gaga can do what she wants, and even expand on what she wants, why not me, too?"
