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SPOILER ALERT: If you've not seen tonight's episode of The Bachelorette NZ and want to do so without knowing anything of the foibles of the blokes vying for the affections of Bachelorettes Lesina Nakhid-Schuster and Lily McManus, do not even think about reading on.
Hey, can we stealyou for a second? Because The Bachelorette NZ was back on our screens tonight. SINEAD CORCORAN recaps the action.
Good evening and welcome back to another riveting recap of what happened on tonight's episode of The Bachelorette.
We picked up right where we left off the night before, in the midst of the Lord of the flies-esque shitstorm between Liam and Aaron.
In case ya missed that one too - basically, Aaron narked on Liam to Lily and told her that he'd been bragging about having a girl waiting for him back home in Perth.
Meanwhile, Jesse was equal parts sickened by Aaron yet again ratting out one of the lads, equal parts relieved that he wasn't the one who got busted for gossiping - so naturally expressed these mixed options by absolutely berating Aaron.
10/10 heartbroken about his BFF leaving. Photo / Supplied
"You've done it once (with Steve and the ciggies), now you've done it twice - YOU'RE A PRICK."
Jesse's meltdown went from bad to worse when it came time for Liam to pack his bags and shakabrah off to the airport.
"LESINA'S NOT GOING TO PICK YOU BRO, YOU'RE A RAT," Jesse sobbed at Aaron through tears.
After all this ridic drama from a bunch of grown men, Lily understandably lost her rag at the rose ceremony and told the boys she's sick of their gossipy BS, and everyone was utterly quaking in their boots.
"If there's anything you want to tell me, I suggest you do it now. I'm not an idiot, so don't play me to be " she said in the scariest teacher voice while Jesse looked like he was about to spew on the floor.
The next day Lily took Richie on a really cute date antique shopping (which is the first time in 23 episodes anyone's done anything remotely appealing to me).
They both had $25 and about as many minutes to pick some tat for each other, except they basically spent the entire time pashing (also my dream date).
At the end of their shopping spree Lily ripped her filthy boot off her foot tipped out a rose and had been sliding up against her sweaty heel for hours and proudly gifted it to Richie because she is absolutely loose and we love her.
10/10 pash. Photo / Supplied
Meanwhile across town it was Aaron soaked in sweat on his single date with Lesina, who - cool, chill, relaxed, noncommittal and nonchalant as ever, sent him off to jewelers to make her a ring - no biggie.
I'm surprised the show's sponsor Pascoes allowed this but whatever. Photo / Supplied
10/10 insane. Photo / Supplied
She then spent the duration of the date understandably grilling him about WTAF is he upto.
"Every single time I hear about a tension in the house, your name is always mentioned, is that a warning bell?" she asked.
"Why didn't you tell about Liam before you told Lily? Did you consider how I was going to take it? What if I hadn't taken it well?"
By this point Aaron was on the brink of a literal heart attack and attempted to snake his way out the interrogation by claiming he's just had a bad run of luck.
"Um Ive just been caught out in a lot of unlucky situations, I'm actually a 100 percent honest and truthful guy."
2/10 hat, 10/10 unravelling. Photo / Supplied
Shock of absolute shocks, she did not give him a rose, but do you think that stopped Aaron sauntering back into the mansion, smug as a loony pug?
"Hey boys, yeah nah no rose but she was super stoked to see me, super happy."
I for one personally cannot wait for Lesina to watch all these episodes back, how about you?
Tune in to The Bachelorette NZ again on Sunday night at 7.00pm, and in the meantime subscribe to the official Bachelorette podcast, Can I Steal You For A Second – hosted by yours truly and my wing-woman Anna Henvest. Plus, follow along with us on Instagram for all our behind the scenes vids.
