Sideswipe: September 28: We don't consent to your lazy spelling

Sign on Edmond Road, Takapuna

Chivalry is resentful

A man's gallant offer of his coat to a chilly date has backfired by her accepting and wearing it. Gentleman Tom Logan has been left confused and outraged after shivering date Nikki Hollis actually accepted the opportunity to wear his big toasty jacket. Logan said: "Doesn't she know guys don't mean it when they offer women their jackets? It's just a meaningless gesture we make to look nice and hopefully get laid. I thought they taught them that in school. If she wanted to stay warm she should have packed a coat into her little clutch bag. Sure, she needs the coat more than me, and I'd be freezing my tits off right now if I wasn't snugly insulated by this thick jumper, but it's the principle I'm mad about. I couldn't even feel all manly and protective as I slipped it over her shoulders because she nearly got make-up on the collar. That jacket's new and she's probably going to f*** it up by pulling it around her. Would it spoil things if I immediately asked for it back?" Hollis added: "I had to drop hints about how cold I was half a dozen times before Tom offered his coat. It was a test and he failed. No sex for him." (Via The Daily Mash)

Let's send Phil to cover the petrol shortage

Progress is going backwards

"I am looking forward to the return of imperial measures, declares Eric Goodyear in the Guardian. "Three grains of barley laid end to end used to equal 1 inch, until it was redefined as the length of Henry VIII's nose. That overcame the problem of lengths fluctuating with the quality of the harvest, and explains why medieval houses always look wonky."

This is how you do recruitment

Paula went for a job as an office manager, and although she didn't get the role she got this care package of goodies with a note, saying: "While in the end we didn't offer you the role we thought you were an amazing candidate and wish you all the very best for the future." Paula writes: "WOW! Very generous and very unexpected! Double bummed I didn't get the job now!"