Sideswipe: September 18: Come in Mr Onion, your time is up

The onion relish has a criminal record. Photo/supplied

Handy diversions

1. Occam's broom is a term coined by the biologist Sidney Brenner to describe the process whereby inconvenient facts that don't fit into one's hypothesis are swept under the rug.

2. Harvey Weinstein's behaviour was an open secret in Hollywood for years. The TV show about Hollywood, Entourage, had a producer character named Harvey Weingard. He was introduced in Season 2 in 2005. This was the year that Courtney Love declared on the red carpet: "If Harvey Weinstein invites you to a private party in the Four Seasons, don't go."

3. Flatulence often occurs when climbing to high altitudes due to a rapid drop in atmospheric pressure. Climbers are known to blame their noisy emissions on Rocky Mountain Barking Spiders.

4. There's new term for Covidiots: "Rat Lickers" - which according to a satire specialist, perfectly describes that combination of willful ignorance, paranoia, exhibitionism and puerile contrarianism, as in "Did you see that latest protest by the rat lickers?"

5. Prince claimed that his song "Purple Rain" meant the following: "When there's blood in the sky... red and blue = purple. Purple rain pertains to the end of the world and being with the one you love and letting your faith/god guide you through the purple rain."

Hunua can drive you crazy

So just how fast can you drive through the town on Hunua? Photo / supplied.

"So what is the speed limit exactly in Hunua township, 50 or 70km/h?" ponders Peter Louisson. "Bet if you got pinged you wouldn't have a leg to stand on. Why has it taken the authorities at least six weeks since the introduction of the safer roads speed limits in the Auckland area, to paint over the old speed limit? What's that you say, they have at last? Well pleased to hear that. Only when I checked, you can still clearly read the 70 clearly beneath. But then would you expect any better?"

Small kindnesses

An Internet story: "Several years ago one of our cats went missing. The animal was my wife's favourite so she was pretty upset. I had actually found the cat that morning and discovered what had actually happened to it. The facts and circumstances leading to it's death would have upset her tremendously. She still thinks to this day the cat was taken by a rogue coyote or something when in reality, she had incidentally backed over it in the darkness of morning when leaving for work. I've never been able to bring myself to tell her and never will. I even feel awful telling the Internet about it now and it's been years!"

Sleep talking

Wendy writes: "My husband was startled awake by me stroking his chin. He woke me up and I said politely: "I'm so sorry, I thought you were a dog."