Sideswipe: September 02: Escape to the offie

Ana Samways

1 Sep, 2015 05:00 PM3 mins to read

A run to the bottle store or is it a job that drives you to drink, wonders Marcus.?

Thrown by sales pitch

"Yesterday my husband and I visited a plant nursery in Cambridge," writes Iris Menzies. "We were looking for a couple of trees to replace ones which had died in our garden. The lady assistant showed us two large specimens which were rather too expensive for us. My husband suggested we buy smaller versions and asked how long before they grew to the same size. The reply blew me away: 'Ten years, but you won't care one way or the other: by then you will probably be in a rest home.' Seeing my shocked expression, she said her sales pitch was buy to enjoy and not leave for the children."

Auckland oxymoron

Wendy writes: "I went on to a real estate website to look at houses for sale. Region? Auckland City. Suburbs? All suburbs. Property type? House. Keyword? Affordable. Result: 'Sorry, we couldn't find any properties that match that criteria.' Well that told me in no uncertain terms!"

Paleo curves

"I'm an archaeologist," writes Janice Adamson. "And I, along with many of my colleagues, take a rather bemused, somewhat frustrated attitude to the prevalence of 'paleo' related dietary advice that doesn't seem to be based upon any sound archaeological or anthropological evidence. Paleo bacon anyone? Seriously? In this vein, I've attached an image of Venus figurines found throughout Europe and produced in the period of the Upper Palaeolithic. They were probably ritualistic objects but clearly show that the curves of a full female form were certainly known about. It would appear that these little ladies hadn't heard of the paleo diet."

Sprightly seniors

In response to motorbike riding senior Steve, who felt the need to point out that seniors "ride motorbikes ... ski, skydive, surf, scuba and do many other challenging and dangerous things", Travis writes: "Perhaps he could explain why these sprightly, active seniors require special carparks close to the entrance of the shopping centre? There may be no limitations on the use of these parks other than being over 65, but surely if you have the good fortune of being in such phenomenal health, you could leave these parks to someone who is not quite so energetic and youthful?"

Simple solutions

In Whanganui, Annie used to see garage sales advertised in the papers with the street name (no number), the date, time and words to the effect that there'd be a sign at the gate to indicate the house holding the garage sale. "This, of course, neatly solves the problem of annoying early callers. Brilliantly simple, like all really good ideas," she says.

Flag it

"One of the proposed New Zealand flag options[by Silver Fern (Red, White and Blue) - by Kyle Lockwood] makes an appearance on this packaging for plastic plates," says Guardian journalist and ex-pat kiwi Kate Shuttleworth.