Sideswipe: June 3: Capitalism in action

If the cost-of-living crisis isn't biting you yet, you could splurge US$1850 to buy these cool designer sneakers from Balenciaga.

This is not a love song

"All I Wanna Do Is Make Love To You" - Heart's hit is actually a power ballad about a woman looking to get pregnant by a stranger.

"The One I Love" - The 1987 hit from REM may sound like a love song, but in it, Michael Stipe refers to another person as "a simple prop to occupy my time" ... sounds like using someone, rather than loving them.

"Every Breath You Take" - In 1983 stalking was seen as romantic. The Police, however, knew it was dark. Sting calls the piece "a nasty little song" about "jealousy and surveillance and ownership".

How Brits pretend their booze culture is fine

Seasonal drinking: You can easily swig seasonal tipples all year. The first rays of spring sunshine? Hit the Aperol spritz ... Summer? Cider and chilled wine. Every afternoon. Hot toddies will see you through gloomy autumn to Christmas, when it's mulled wine ... Always look reluctant to accept a drink and say "Oh go on then". That stops you becoming an alcoholic.

"May contain prosecco" T-shirts: In terms of hiding in plain sight, it's hard to beat an allegedly hilarious, booze-themed T-shirt basically calling yourself a drunkard. For some reason, prosecco features heavily: "Save water, drink prosecco", "Prosecco made me do it", "My blood type is prosecco". Other sparkling wines must be furious.

Airport pints: For most Brits a holiday is just a thinly veiled excuse to get paralytic. Traditionally, that starts at the airport. The transient nature of a departure lounge makes time a more abstract concept, so it's perfectly normal to have a few sociable pints of Stella at 7am. If you can couple it with a fry-up, even better. Because it's a scientific fact that any booze you drink while eating a full English breakfast doesn't actually count.

The letter of the law(n)

Deano responds to John's comments about the lawn mowing contractor strictly only mowing their client's lawn: "The contractor would be concerned about what liability they would be taking on by mowing lawns on a property that they don't have permission from that land owner. In the vast majority of cases, it would be fine, better than fine - his client would have an appreciative neighbour, but if something went wrong - or worse, something when wrong that was nothing to do with the contractor but the contractor was the easy one to blame."