Sanitising faux pas
"My husband went into his doctor's surgery a few weeks ago to get some stitches removed. At the door he followed the stern advice to use the sanitiser dispenser (pump action) to wash his hands. He was called in by the nurse to her room and told to get on the examination bed while she turned to wash her hands in a basin. On his way to the bed he spied another pump action dispenser on a table and used it to sanitise his hands again. The more the better, he thought. The nurse turned around and said to him, "Did you just use that dispenser?" "Yes," he said. "That's lube," she said. Much laughter from both parties as she relocated it to a higher shelf.
Dumped in West Auckland
Imagine waking up to this glorious pile of rubbish and concrete, dumped at the end of a resident's driveway by a truck at night in Forrest Hill Road, West Auckland. What kind of person does this? Anyone wanting to dob in this culprit can do so anonymously to Sideswipe.
The New Yorker's Pre-Apocalyptic Novels We All Need Right Now...
On the Beach: This delightful romp, set on an Australian beach, is ambitious in scope. We follow the experiences of many tourists and locals as they decide where to set up their beach towels, ask people they don't live with to apply sunscreen to their backs, and talk without their voices being muffled by face masks.
The Walking Dead: This graphic novel follows a group of aging Grateful Dead fans who've become avid mall walkers. Critics are raving about the vivid depictions of food-court free samples, including skewers of Kung Pao chicken, tiny cups of green smoothie, and glistening strips of Hunan beef.
The Stand: A band of neighbourhood kids come together to open a lemonade stand in this sweeping summertime epic. At its thrilling climax, Franny suspects that the lemonade is too tart. She asks Stuart to taste it, and, without even a moment of pause, he sips straight from her glass.
The Children of Men: The members of a political group in England decide to try a new restaurant called Five Fishes. One of them orders ceviche. None of them notices that their waiter has seasonal allergies.
The Postman: The grizzled but quirky hero of this novel is an Oregon post-office employee who does not fear for his personal safety or job security. In the outlandish but deeply comforting world of this novel, the President hasn't threatened one of the few government agencies that is explicitly authorised by the Constitution.
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