NZ Herald
  • Home
  • Latest news
  • Herald NOW
  • Video
  • New Zealand
  • Sport
  • World
  • Business
  • Entertainment
  • Podcasts
  • Quizzes
  • Opinion
  • Lifestyle
  • Travel
  • Viva
  • Weather

Subscriptions

  • Herald Premium
  • Viva Premium
  • The Listener
  • BusinessDesk

Sections

  • Latest news
  • New Zealand
    • All New Zealand
    • Crime
    • Politics
    • Education
    • Open Justice
    • Scam Update
  • Herald NOW
  • On The Up
  • World
    • All World
    • Australia
    • Asia
    • UK
    • United States
    • Middle East
    • Europe
    • Pacific
  • Business
    • All Business
    • MarketsSharesCurrencyCommoditiesStock TakesCrypto
    • Markets with Madison
    • Media Insider
    • Business analysis
    • Personal financeKiwiSaverInterest ratesTaxInvestment
    • EconomyInflationGDPOfficial cash rateEmployment
    • Small business
    • Business reportsMood of the BoardroomProject AucklandSustainable business and financeCapital markets reportAgribusiness reportInfrastructure reportDynamic business
    • Deloitte Top 200 Awards
    • Deloitte Fast 50
    • CompaniesAged CareAgribusinessAirlinesBanking and financeConstructionEnergyFreight and logisticsHealthcareManufacturingMedia and MarketingRetailTelecommunicationsTourism
  • Opinion
    • All Opinion
    • Analysis
    • Editorials
    • Business analysis
    • Premium opinion
    • Letters to the editor
  • Politics
  • Sport
    • All Sport
    • OlympicsParalympics
    • RugbySuper RugbyNPCAll BlacksBlack FernsRugby sevensSchool rugby
    • CricketBlack CapsWhite Ferns
    • Racing
    • NetballSilver Ferns
    • LeagueWarriorsNRL
    • FootballWellington PhoenixAuckland FCAll WhitesFootball FernsEnglish Premier League
    • GolfNZ Open
    • MotorsportFormula 1
    • Boxing
    • UFC
    • BasketballNBABreakersTall BlacksTall Ferns
    • Tennis
    • Cycling
    • Athletics
    • SailingAmerica's CupSailGP
    • Rowing
  • Lifestyle
    • All Lifestyle
    • Viva - Food, fashion & beauty
    • Society Insider
    • Royals
    • Sex & relationships
    • Food & drinkRecipesRecipe collectionsRestaurant reviewsRestaurant bookings
    • Health & wellbeing
    • Fashion & beauty
    • Pets & animals
    • The Selection - Shop the trendsShop fashionShop beautyShop entertainmentShop giftsShop home & living
    • Milford's Investing Place
  • Entertainment
    • All Entertainment
    • TV
    • MoviesMovie reviews
    • MusicMusic reviews
    • BooksBook reviews
    • Culture
    • ReviewsBook reviewsMovie reviewsMusic reviewsRestaurant reviews
  • Travel
    • All Travel
    • News
    • New ZealandNorthlandAucklandWellingtonCanterburyOtago / QueenstownNelson-TasmanBest NZ beaches
    • International travelAustraliaPacific IslandsEuropeUKUSAAfricaAsia
    • Rail holidays
    • Cruise holidays
    • Ski holidays
    • Luxury travel
    • Adventure travel
  • Kāhu Māori news
  • Environment
    • All Environment
    • Our Green Future
  • Talanoa Pacific news
  • Property
    • All Property
    • Property Insider
    • Interest rates tracker
    • Residential property listings
    • Commercial property listings
  • Health
  • Technology
    • All Technology
    • AI
    • Social media
  • Rural
    • All Rural
    • Dairy farming
    • Sheep & beef farming
    • Horticulture
    • Animal health
    • Rural business
    • Rural life
    • Rural technology
    • Opinion
    • Audio & podcasts
  • Weather forecasts
    • All Weather forecasts
    • Kaitaia
    • Whangārei
    • Dargaville
    • Auckland
    • Thames
    • Tauranga
    • Hamilton
    • Whakatāne
    • Rotorua
    • Tokoroa
    • Te Kuiti
    • Taumaranui
    • Taupō
    • Gisborne
    • New Plymouth
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Dannevirke
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Levin
    • Paraparaumu
    • Masterton
    • Wellington
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Blenheim
    • Westport
    • Reefton
    • Kaikōura
    • Greymouth
    • Hokitika
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
    • Wānaka
    • Oamaru
    • Queenstown
    • Dunedin
    • Gore
    • Invercargill
  • Meet the journalists
  • Promotions & competitions
  • OneRoof property listings
  • Driven car news

Puzzles & Quizzes

  • Puzzles
    • All Puzzles
    • Sudoku
    • Code Cracker
    • Crosswords
    • Cryptic crossword
    • Wordsearch
  • Quizzes
    • All Quizzes
    • Morning quiz
    • Afternoon quiz
    • Sports quiz

Regions

  • Northland
    • All Northland
    • Far North
    • Kaitaia
    • Kerikeri
    • Kaikohe
    • Bay of Islands
    • Whangarei
    • Dargaville
    • Kaipara
    • Mangawhai
  • Auckland
  • Waikato
    • All Waikato
    • Hamilton
    • Coromandel & Hauraki
    • Matamata & Piako
    • Cambridge
    • Te Awamutu
    • Tokoroa & South Waikato
    • Taupō & Tūrangi
  • Bay of Plenty
    • All Bay of Plenty
    • Katikati
    • Tauranga
    • Mount Maunganui
    • Pāpāmoa
    • Te Puke
    • Whakatāne
  • Rotorua
  • Hawke's Bay
    • All Hawke's Bay
    • Napier
    • Hastings
    • Havelock North
    • Central Hawke's Bay
    • Wairoa
  • Taranaki
    • All Taranaki
    • Stratford
    • New Plymouth
    • Hāwera
  • Manawatū - Whanganui
    • All Manawatū - Whanganui
    • Whanganui
    • Palmerston North
    • Manawatū
    • Tararua
    • Horowhenua
  • Wellington
    • All Wellington
    • Kapiti
    • Wairarapa
    • Upper Hutt
    • Lower Hutt
  • Nelson & Tasman
    • All Nelson & Tasman
    • Motueka
    • Nelson
    • Tasman
  • Marlborough
  • West Coast
  • Canterbury
    • All Canterbury
    • Kaikōura
    • Christchurch
    • Ashburton
    • Timaru
  • Otago
    • All Otago
    • Oamaru
    • Dunedin
    • Balclutha
    • Alexandra
    • Queenstown
    • Wanaka
  • Southland
    • All Southland
    • Invercargill
    • Gore
    • Stewart Island
  • Gisborne

Media

  • Video
    • All Video
    • NZ news video
    • Herald NOW
    • Business news video
    • Politics news video
    • Sport video
    • World news video
    • Lifestyle video
    • Entertainment video
    • Travel video
    • Markets with Madison
    • Kea Kids news
  • Podcasts
    • All Podcasts
    • The Front Page
    • On the Tiles
    • Ask me Anything
    • The Little Things
  • Cartoons
  • Photo galleries
  • Today's Paper - E-editions
  • Photo sales
  • Classifieds

NZME Network

  • Advertise with NZME
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • BusinessDesk
  • Newstalk ZB
  • Sunlive
  • ZM
  • The Hits
  • Coast
  • Radio Hauraki
  • The Alternative Commentary Collective
  • Gold
  • Flava
  • iHeart Radio
  • Hokonui
  • Radio Wanaka
  • iHeartCountry New Zealand
  • Restaurant Hub
  • NZME Events

SubscribeSign In

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Home / Entertainment

Review: Shortland Street's blood-soaked finale leaves fans hanging

By Tara Ward for The Spinoff
Other·
15 Jan, 2018 02:15 AM4 mins to read

Subscribe to listen

Access to Herald Premium articles require a Premium subscription. Subscribe now to listen.
Already a subscriber?  Sign in here

Listening to articles is free for open-access content—explore other articles or learn more about text-to-speech.
‌
Save

    Share this article

The 2017 Shortland Street cliffhanger brought the drama
The Spinoff's Tara Ward watches the power-chucking, beard-itching, blood-soaked finale to Shortland Street. Contains spoilers.

* Shortland Street's new season kicks off tonight. If you need a reminder about what happened, here's our review of the 2017 cliffhanger finale.

Lie me down on Chris Warner's soft, pink bed and let me die quietly. The Shortland Street 2017 cliffhanger just served up so much glorious Christmas goodness that even my fat pants can't handle it. I am stuffed full of drama, I am fit to burst, I am wrecked forever. WRECKED, I tell you.

It was a magnificent hour of television, tenser than the time Nick was caught photocopying his arse in the nurse's station and more thrilling than Victor Kahu's sword-fighting rap. There were shootings, deaths at sea, Santa sabotage, masked gunmen, Leanne with a beard, prison escapers, crazy dancing, a kidnapping, a power chuck and, best of all, a drunk Chris Warner fondling Drew's bald head.

I mean, you had me at "catamaran", Shortland Street. You got me. You got me GOOD.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.
Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Read more
Shorty Street cliffhanger: 'Mason says Merry Christmas'
Shortland Street's Top 5 cliffhangers

The whole bloody mess was all Mason Coutts' fault. "He wants me to watch my family burn," Chris wailed, as the creaky wheels of Mason's revenge plan against the Warners began to turn.

Mason hired a sniper to shoot Finn and Frank, while he escaped prison to gatecrash Sass' ocean cruise. Every piece in the fruit bowl of Chris Warner's loins was in danger, and if you thought Harry storing his dick pics on Chris' iPad was a risky situation then you should prepare for the worst.

Was Mason also responsible for the cruel Santa beard sabotage that gave Leanne a terrible face rash? "I'm a monster!" she cried. "I look like Prince Harry!" Bloody Mason, his evil knows no bounds.

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

The hero of the hour was, of course, Chris flipping Warner. He couldn't fix Leanne's beard rash, but he saved Finn, nay the entire world, when he pushed the masked gunman into the hospital atrium. The shooter hit the ground like "a water balloon full of mince", and Chris breathed a sigh of relief and told everyone it was over. Oh, my precious Dr Love, have you learned nothing in 25 years?

We were only nine minutes in. For the love of sweet Karen Carpenter, we'd only just begun.

White lace and promises were long forgotten for Mason and Sass, who sailed into a world of terror on a catamaran named Bad Kitty. Sass was horrified as Mason banged on windows and screamed through skylights and probably ate all the melon on the fancy fruit platter. Bastard. The shipping forecast was grim, and when Jasper hit his head and died on a pile of stripy beach towels it seemed the only thing Sass would get for Christmas was a watery grave.

Mudflaps, as Dawn would say.

Discover more

Opinion

Top 5 Shortland Street cliffhangers

16 Dec 10:00 PM
Business

Christmas cringe: Kiwi video nasty or nice?

18 Dec 02:42 AM
Entertainment

Shortland St cliffhanger: 'Lives will be lost'

18 Dec 04:12 AM
Entertainment

Shorty Street finale: 'Mason says Merry Christmas'

18 Dec 07:04 AM
A day on the water was never going to end well....
A day on the water was never going to end well....

Mason wasn't the only one desperate for revenge. Nobody makes Leanne look like the fifth-in-line to the throne and gets away with it, so she hid her blotchy face behind a shroud of retribution to spike Dawn's party trifle. Ali scoffed the entire pudding, and as the waves of Christmas tidings washed over Ferndale, Ali's tsunami of vomit washed over Dawn. It dripped through her hair, it flew into her mouth, it pooled in a chunky puddle at her feet. It was spectacular.

When the Christmas spirit(s) get too much...
When the Christmas spirit(s) get too much...

Even more astonishing was the tantalising peek into Chris Warner's inner sanctum. Intoxicated by fear, rage and a shit-ton of whiskey, Chris was taken home by old mate Drew. I'm sure I heard Chris hum the opening bars of Anchor Me as he wrapped his grateful arms around Drew's head. Drunk Chris is a glorious sight to behold, but I'd be even happier if someone could tell me where to buy that blush pink duvet cover, thank you and good night.

A rare look inside Dr Love's boudoir.
A rare look inside Dr Love's boudoir.

The episode climaxed with three lives hanging in the balance: Esther, whose weakened heart gave out after she was kidnapped by another escaped prisoner; Virginia, found unconscious at the bottom of Chris' stairs (Pushed? Fell? Another tragic victim of Triflegate?), and Sass, who shot Mason through the guts with a spearfish gun and was left treading water somewhere in the Pacific.

Who lives? Who dies? Who really knows if Leanne did grow a beard during the 1970s?

"This is the best Christmas ever!" squealed Dawn, and she was right. The 2017 cliffhanger was a power-chucking, villain-sinking, atrium-splatting extravaganza that left me gasping for more. It was the gift that kept on giving, and with weeks to wait until Shortland Street returns, I'll be channelling my best Chris Warner by crying into my pillows about my big lonely bed. Rude? I'll show you rude. Ding dong merrily on high, Shortland Street, see you in 2018.

- The Spinoff

Save

    Share this article

Latest from Entertainment

Entertainment
|Updated

Cosby Show star Malcolm-Jamal Warner dead at 54

Entertainment

Dog the Bounty Hunter's grandson accidentally killed by father

Entertainment

Is Harry Jowsey dating Sia?


Sponsored

Sponsored: 50 shades of beige

Advertisement
Advertise with NZME.

Latest from Entertainment

Cosby Show star Malcolm-Jamal Warner dead at 54
Entertainment
|Updated

Cosby Show star Malcolm-Jamal Warner dead at 54

The actor was best known for his role as Theo in The Cosby Show.

21 Jul 07:28 PM
Dog the Bounty Hunter's grandson accidentally killed by father
Entertainment

Dog the Bounty Hunter's grandson accidentally killed by father

21 Jul 07:21 PM
Is Harry Jowsey dating Sia?
Entertainment

Is Harry Jowsey dating Sia?

21 Jul 03:41 AM


Sponsored: 50 shades of beige
Sponsored

Sponsored: 50 shades of beige

21 Jul 07:08 AM
NZ Herald
  • About NZ Herald
  • Meet the journalists
  • Newsletters
  • Classifieds
  • Help & support
  • Contact us
  • House rules
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms of use
  • Competition terms & conditions
  • Our use of AI
Subscriber Services
  • NZ Herald e-editions
  • Daily puzzles & quizzes
  • Manage your digital subscription
  • Manage your print subscription
  • Subscribe to the NZ Herald newspaper
  • Subscribe to Herald Premium
  • Gift a subscription
  • Subscriber FAQs
  • Subscription terms & conditions
  • Promotions and subscriber benefits
NZME Network
  • The New Zealand Herald
  • The Northland Age
  • The Northern Advocate
  • Waikato Herald
  • Bay of Plenty Times
  • Rotorua Daily Post
  • Hawke's Bay Today
  • Whanganui Chronicle
  • Viva
  • NZ Listener
  • Newstalk ZB
  • BusinessDesk
  • OneRoof
  • Driven Car Guide
  • iHeart Radio
  • Restaurant Hub
NZME
  • About NZME
  • NZME careers
  • Advertise with NZME
  • Digital self-service advertising
  • Book your classified ad
  • Photo sales
  • NZME Events
  • © Copyright 2025 NZME Publishing Limited
TOP