For months I've been eyeing up your Instagram feed with envy, seeing constant updates of all the live shows from your 1989 World Tour, every night looking more spectacular than the last.
Don't get me started on all of those surprise guests. They're only some of the biggest names in music and entertainment in the world right now, including our own homegrown pop star, Lorde.
And yet, we Kiwi fans have known for a long time that you weren't going to be performing in New Zealand. Our little country had been cruelly left off your Downunder tour.
But, I'd picked myself up off the floor, Taylor, I'd dried away my tears and come to a place of acceptance that I wasn't going to get to see your superstar-sized show live.
So when rumours started spinning that you, Swifty, had visited Aotearoa to shoot a music video before going on to play shows in Australia, I was mad.
It felt like a slap in the face that you had come all this way to gallivant around Bethells Beach in Auckland and yet you still wouldn't be giving your fans what they really want, to see you perform.
We haven't had the chance to see you live since 2013 - that's two years too many, Taylor! I'd prayed that the rumours weren't true, that you would make an appearance at Monday's American Music Awards to collect your three wins in person.
But no, there you were, walking along the beach in a whimsical dress, with a camera crew in tow. I'm almost tempted to boycott you completely after you so haphazardly broke my heart ... but my vinyl copy of 1989 seems to have become fused to my record player, and I'm too used to having Style as my ringtone.
Damn you, Taylor Swift, why can't I shake it off? Come back to New Zealand as soon as possible and please get on a stage next time. Otherwise, I might become a hater.
Your crestfallen fan,
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