One marriage, two movie reviews: There is no I in Threesome

There is No I in Threesome. Photo / Supplied

Greg and Zanna consider the value of marital moviemaking.

SCORES
Openness of relationship: 5
Brokenness of relationship: 5

SHE SAW

Of course Greg's first question to me at the end of There is No I in Threesome was, "So did it make you want to explore polyamory?" It was a test and my instinct when he gives me a test is to fail it enthusiastically. I stalled just long enough to make him worried and then answered "no" but in a particularly high-pitched voice that denoted uncertainty. Marriage is fun.

Truthfully though, one husband is more than enough for me. Personal drama clearly doesn't excite me like it does film-maker Jan Oliver "Ollie" Lucks. There is No I in Threesome follows Ollie and his fiance Zoe as they open their relationship to other partners in a year-long experiment that will culminate in their marriage. In all its publicity materials the film is labelled a documentary but if you've seen Lucks' previous films, you'll know he uses the term loosely.

It opens with its two protagonists stripping down to full nudity on a very high diving board getting ready to literally "take the plunge". It's a brave, somewhat shocking opening scene and sets the tone for the film, which includes quite a lot of nudity, no actual onscreen sex, but some particularly tongue-heavy, highly lubricated, kissing and a rather confronting enema scene. Early on in the film, Zoe moves to Auckland to pursue her acting career while Ollie remains in Dunedin. Long distance is a challenge in any relationship but coupled with the fact that both parties are going to date other people, it looks like they're about to crash their engagement into a brick wall at high speed.

Beyond Lucks' proclamation that jealousy is just an emotion to overcome, the film isn't interested in exploring the wider concept of polyamory in much depth and I still don't know what a successful polyamorous relationship might look like. Instead it stays narrowly focused on their crumbling relationship. Lucks exposes himself more than just physically in the documentary and he doesn't always come off well, which is either bravery or narcissism.

I mostly enjoyed the film despite generally having a bit of an issue with documentaries that feel so inwardly focused on the experiences of the film-maker. This film is very meta. It's not just about Lucks' relationship experience, it's equally if not more so about the process of making a film about his relationship experience and I personally find that self-reflexivity less interesting. When I suggested that to Greg, he seemed offended, not only because he loved that element of the film, but also, I realised, because that is exactly what we do in this review. I am a giant hypocrite.

HE SAW

Zanna and I have been married for nine years and in that time, as best I can remember, neither of us has asked to sleep with other people. I'm not personally interested in the idea of "alternative" lifestyles in the relationship arena, although I would never judge someone for trying them out, because relationships are hard and humans are a combustibly toxic and badly calibrated brew of high-powered sensual needs that overwhelm their judgment and don't necessarily match with those of their partners.

But not judging is different from endorsing. I'm sure there are examples of people making open relationships work, but aren't monogamous relationships already hard enough? Isn't life hard enough?

In the case of Jan Ollie Lucks, the film-maker, subject and star of this "documentary", things go predictably badly from the point he farewells his fiancee at Dunedin Airport at the beginning of their long-distance open relationship, in which they have agreed to film and share with each other their sexual explorations with other people. He seems like such a kind and decent man, it's hard not to feel sorry for him as his extremely attractive actor fiancee flies off to become a full-time Tinder user in the most sexually abundant city in the country, while he stays in a caravan in the wops in the depopulated south, watching live feeds of her having sex with other men.

However, his kindness and decency come into question later, when he calls them into question, telling his fiancee, on camera, that he is at least as devoted to this documentary as he is to her. Again, relationships are hard, and I would never judge someone for their actions within them, unless they tell their partners they are only as important as a movie.

I've done plenty of things to damage my relationship with my wife since we first met 11 years ago, none more so than writing movie reviews with her, but I have never, and would never, suggest to her that anything is more important to me than her.

I know, from reading and listening to interviews, that Jan Ollie Lucks is now in love again, is engaged again, and has decided that polyamory is no longer for him. That may or may not be good news for his fiancee but much better news would be hearing that she doesn't have to compete for his affections with his next movie.

There is No I in Threesome is now streaming on Neon.