By DAVID LEWRENCE
Each year about 4000 couples rush off to exchange vows in the town of the title, Gretna Green, where Scottish law makes it easier to wed than in England (less of a wait and you have only to be 16, not 18). This series introduces a few of those couples.
Why do they do it? Why does anyone do it, anywhere? Some theories:
"The dread of loneliness is greater than the fear of bondage" (Cyril Connolly).
"Marriage is based on the theory that when a man discovers a particular brand of beer exactly to his taste he should at once throw in his job and go to work in the brewery" (George Jean Nathan).
"It doesn't bear thinking about" (George Bernard Shaw).
David and Mavis, fiftysomethings who have stopped off on their caravanning holiday to tie the knot, have some idea of what they're doing.
"We need somebody ... to love, to share things with," reflects Mavis as she prepares cheese and pineapple on toothpicks for the reception in the caravan.
"It's lonely out there," says David. "But there's always hope. Good old Mave."
That's about as insightful as the first show gets. But the point of the series is not to be meaningful about matrimony. Love Town is in the let's-see-some-loopy-behaviour genre.
So here's Sonia, who at any on-screen moment is either giggling or sobbing.
She's in Gretna to wed Robert, who's been married twice before. She realised she loved him only after the date had been set.
Sonia, a friend observes, would be a dizzy blond if she wasn't black.
And here's Marty and Ian, who eloped less than two months after meeting.
"We just got talking [at the supermarket] and here we are," she says.
Her parents take it well enough when they are introduced to their son-in-law. Dad brings out the Scotch and nods politely when assured of his daughter's prosperous future.
Asked why she chose to wed this way (they have to trawl Gretna high street for the requisite pair of witnesses), Marty says, "At the end of the day, it really is nothing to do with anyone else."
Very true, although that sentiment is kind of compromised by her wedding being televised.
A seemingly suitable spouse may, of course, turn out to be part of a package containing an evil-minded mother and neanderthal siblings. But at least the ceremonies at Gretna are family-free.
They are also mercifully brief - no time for even one platitudinous speech from a slack-jawed simpleton who has drunk enough to think he has something interesting to say or, worse, that he's funny.
Sadly, with the possible exception of the mature - or as mature as they're ever going to be - Dave and Mave, clouds of doom hover over these couples.
They haven't begun to think things through, and it's difficult to avoid the feeling that their few heady hours in this saccharine little town will be the happiest time of their married lives. Poor fools.
* Love Town, 10 pm, TV One
Love Town: Where loopy types tie the knot
AdvertisementAdvertise with NZME.