Caitlyn Jenner has opened up her lonely years struggling with her own gender identity in a new interview.

Sitting down with Diane Sawyer, the same interviewer first Jenner spoke to two years ago about being transgender, the reality star revealed that, back when she was known to the public as retired sports legend Bruce and grappling with whether or not she could ever come out as trans, she put an instruction in her will.

The plan was simple: If Bruce could never find the courage to become Caitlyn in life, she would be Caitlyn in death. Jenner wanted to be buried dressed as a woman, reported

"I thought that most of my life," Jenner said, her voice breaking.


"I said, 'If I go, when I'm buried, I want to be dressed as her. That's the way I was going to heaven. I'd shock everybody when they come and visit the casket."

Instead, Jenner came out as transgender publicly in 2015, announcing her transition to the world with a stunning, headline-grabbing Vanity Fair cover.

She admits now that the image of their father as a woman in a revealing bustier was a little too much for a few of her children and stepchildren.

"My feeling on that picture, I know, my kids that thought, 'You know what? It's a little too much,' but from my standpoint, I had suffered for 65 years, okay?" she said. "To have a beautiful shot of my authentic self was important."

She also said she wanted the cover shot to have shock value; to boldly imprint Caitlyn in the mind of the public.

"I wanted to end the old Bruce, my old life," she said. "And that picture did it."

Jenner is promoting her soon-to-be-released memoir, The Secrets of My Life and early snippets from the book have already been making headlines.

She slams Ellen DeGeneres in the book following an awkward 2015 appearance on the comedian's talk show in which she was asked to defend her position on same-sex marriage.

In the book, she blasts DeGeneres for "further alienating" her from the LGBT community over her conservative politics.