My book club has lasted more than 20 years. Here’s how we made it fun

"You may not be looking for a book club to make more friends. That’s okay. Ours started as a bunch of neighbours who decided we wanted to read and discuss a book together." Photo/Thinkstock

For more than 20 years, I’ve been in the same book club with five other women who share a love of reading. It’s a source of delight on many levels. These women - two of whom I knew before the club formed - are now all friends. They have become an important part of my life. Our theme song could be Crowded Table, the Highwomen song that talks about gathering for a meal where everyone is welcome: “I want a house with a crowded table/ And a place by the fire for everyone/ Let us take on the world while we’re young and able/ And bring us back together when the day is done.”

Karen Allen, a Washington writer and editor who co-founded our club, recently listened to the song again, and it reminded her of our monthly discussions and dinners where we share our points of view on books and life and break bread - good bread - together.

“Being in this club gets me to read a great book, and it’s like going to a great party,” Allen says. “I know I belong here at this table.”

Whether we’re reading Doris Kearns Goodwin’s No Ordinary Time, Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code, Year of Wonders by Geraldine Brooks or The Things They Carried by Tim O’Brien, we have shared opinions and meals. The gathering is sometimes a potluck dinner or takeout if the host is having a busy week. Other times the host makes the whole meal.

Often our members enjoy setting a creative table or preparing a special menu related to a theme in the book, but that is not required. I recall the mythological theme for the fantasy novel Circe by Madeline Miller, where a meal of Greek moussaka and salad with green goddess dressing was served. Party favours were serpentine snake bracelets and laurel-leaf headbands. Recently, the salmon loaf recipe from Anne Tyler’s French Braid was a hit. Members say they enjoy the challenge of connecting the food and table to the book when they are hosting. I know I do.

You may not be looking for a book club to make more friends. That’s okay. Ours started as a bunch of neighbours who decided we wanted to read and discuss a book together. I was invited to join this club, which meets in Northwest Washington, in the early aughts. The group was originally named after a bottle of red wine. In the late ’90s, Washington’s Politics and Prose Bookstore on Connecticut Avenue had a wall of cubby holes of books that local book groups were reading, so members could easily buy them. Our shelf needed a name, so a bottle of belle rose consumed one evening became the inspiration. The cubbies are long gone; today many members of my group read books online or listen to audiobooks.

Apparently, there was a bit of turmoil in the beginning, as some thought of the gathering as a sort of girls night out/cocktail and supper club. But then there is always a little drama when people get together and talk about lots of topics. The original members recall some rocky passages when expectations were not being met for some who dropped out. Eventually a small group ended up being on the same page, as it was.

If you want to form or join a book club, here are some rules of thumb I’ve learned from my own:

Decide what kind of club you want

Some book clubs are Sunday brunches, some are chats over wine and snacks or coffee. Other clubs are only and all about the discussion. Ours is a combination of reading a good book, enjoying camaraderie and sharing a nice meal. But yours can be strictly business.

Establish a set of guidelines

Our rules include: “Please read the book, otherwise don’t come to the meeting.” It’s made our evenings better. Guidelines were drawn up in the early years. We were encouraged to include various genres in our reading choices, whether plays, poetry or biographies. One of the original rules of this group was: “We all seem to agree that by the end of an evening, we don’t all have to like a book any better, but we want to understand it more.”

Once you set a date, stick to it

We meet every one to two months and stay in touch with a group text. The host can start by offering a few dates and choose the one when most of the club members can come. Usually the date stands unless there are extenuating circumstances for the host. Nobody has time for endless texts trying to accommodate everyone’s complicated and changing schedules.

The host is in charge

We have found that giving the host of the meeting all the power makes things easier. While some clubs choose books a year in advance in a complicated vetting process, we select the next one just after a meeting is over. The host of the next gathering picks the book, sets the date and time, plans the menu, asks for help on the food (or not), and leads the discussion - or they ask another member to take over the discussion. Having a facilitator carrying the evening along and keeping to somewhat of a schedule can make the meeting function more smoothly, and everyone knows what to expect. The facilitator usually does research on the author and comes with a list of questions. We usually start with the obvious: Did you like the book, and why or why not? We are brutally honest.

Make sure the book discussion has a beginning and an end

Discussing the book is the most important part of the evening. Naturally, everyone wants to catch up on other matters. This can come before (as we wait for people to arrive) and after the book discussion, as the evening winds down. The host can declare we’ve exhausted the topics and questions on their list. Then the conversation usually moves on to who is hosting next and what everyone is up to.

Let voices be heard

Everyone in the group should be as keen on listening as talking. In a letter early on, our book club came to this consensus. “We are in general, a verbal, enthusiastic group. But so this doesn’t turn into the McLaughlin Group, let’s try not to interrupt each other or dismiss other people’s opinions or ideas. We must defer to the host/leader to keep us in check.” We try to stay out of politics, although we have read works such as Becoming by Michelle Obama, Collision of Power by Martin Baron and Hillbilly Elegy by JD Vance. Looking back, I recall that our discussions focused on what the person revealed about themselves, not on the politics.

Thank your host

Send a thoughtful text the next day to express your appreciation. No need to get fancy with a formal, mailed thank you note, but it’s nice to acknowledge your host’s efforts in planning, cooking and researching the book to make an enjoyable evening for all.