While Married At First Sight cheater Dean is ripped apart by another groom at Wednesday night's drunken dinner party, the series' obsessive compulsive, brief-clad, dewy-skinned husband Nasser has blown his cover and been exposed as the new villain.
It has been building for weeks, but we were all too distracted dragging Dean and Davina to do anything about it. And now that producers have squeezed as much juice as they can out of the affair, we need to move on and locate a new source of drama. So on Wednesday night, we light our hashtags on fire and start chasing Nasser.
Don't let his lack of frown lines fool you. He's pissed. And well into the alcohol-soaked dinner party, he's pushed to his limits when the other contestants start probing him about his flailing marriage to Gab.
The others know how Nasser's hurt Gab — how he refused to stay in the same house as her for the past week and how his persistent swipes have chipped away at her. Tonight, the real Nasser comes out. It's like he fell asleep with his clay mask on and, after some violent scrubbing in the morning, it has peeled off seven layers of skin and exposed who he really is.
When we take a seat around the dining table, everyone's in a terrific mood and can't wait to chat about the home visits.
"You have to share your pilates stories!" Tracey is heard saying to no one in particular. Pilates stories are always cracking yarns — particularly if they're about someone's body making a funny noise. But before anyone can say anything, a completely unprompted Sarah reveals Telv's hall pass is P!nk. It's a random choice. And that's coming from someone whose hall pass is the Human Ken Doll.
No one really knows what to say after this admission, so Nasser clinks his glass to make a speech. He's been dying for mass attention and has been looking forward to this moment all day. Gab knows this. And the resentment and hurt she's feeling after he ruined their home visit propels her to swoop in and give the toast instead.
Nasser seethes. It's like someone just replaced his salon-bought hair products with supermarket shampoo.
We tune out during Gab's toast because, out of the corner of our eye, we see Dean and Tracey organising a sexy trip to the bathroom.
"I need to go to the bathroom," she winks at him.
"Yeah?" he asks.
"Yeah," she whispers seductively.
But as they get up and walk away from the table, Dean makes eye contact with Telv.
"Telv has a problem with me. I have got to call him out because I'm not gonna sit here and be painted as the bad guy," Dean tells us.
Dean promises a fight. But, like with the affair, he's all talk. When he comes face-to-face with Telv, he cops a spray.
"I think you're an arrogant a**hole," Telv yells. "We were all hoping she'd said, 'You need to go'. If that was my sister I'd be like, 'What the f***ing hell are you doing?' But she obviously sees something in you we all don't."
The confrontation is brief but Telv's message is clear. Dean's so shocked he doesn't know what to reply. And back at the table, it gets worse.
After being snapped in half by Telv, Dean is forced to perform his iconic rap in front of everyone. It's humiliating. I wish I had more funny GIFs of white people rapping to insert here, but I've used them all.
As Tracey beat-boxes in the background, Nasser starts bitching about his marriage to a few of the guys. He craps on about how Gab's apartment wasn't chic and how she's generally annoying.
He then drops a brutal admission we so weren't ready for: "She could stand there naked and nothing would happen."
Charlene overhears this bold statement and she's so appalled she decides to get involved in the drama. She runs down the other end of the table and tells Gab they need to talk urgently.
"She doesn't deserve to be spoken about like that. And she deserves to know that," she assures us.
The intel leaves Gab in tears and Charlene is pleased with her good work. Not resting on her laurels, she runs back to Nasser to inflame the problem more. She needles him about why he refused to live with Gab this week and he explodes.
"I said I hate this house! This f***ing sh-thole!," he snaps.
Charlene attempts to speak, but Nasser cuts her off.
"Hang on! She went off, so I said f*** it! I'm gone. I'm not gonna fight for anyone, mate, I don't even fight for my f***ing sister."
Tension is running high and the resentment is thick in the air. We're shocked that this once-jovial, gushing, skincare-obsessed man could get so dark.
I decide to step in: "Does anyone have any pilates stories?"