'And then she ran through the streets, terrorising innocent locals!' Photo / Supplied
The Married At First Sight sorta-glassing is kicked up a notch, with a bold new rumour on Tuesday night — because a wife fight resulting in a smashed crystal champagne flute is simply not dramatic enough.
In the aftermath, sparks fly, like … like … well, like shards of glass.
Of course, producers step in and deal with the incident responsibly — by handing everyone more glasses of wine and telling them to rehash the inflammatory discussion that led to the original cup smashing.
Monday night's episode ended just as Dom ran off into the night after smashing her glass on the table in retaliation to Olivia's taunts about her voice. Tonight, we find Olivia relaying the scene to the rest of the cast with some distinct flourishes and embellishments.
"She got up and stood over me, smashed her wine glass and then proceeded to wave the broken wine glass in my face while she stood over me and screamed!" she says, flailing an arm in the air as the others gasp.
Now, while we absolutely enjoy the colourful reimagining, Olivia seems to have forgotten that there was an entire camera crew filming the scene and we've all just busted her on the lie.
These claims are false and slanderous. Completely outrageous. Olivia should be ashamed of herself. Exaggerating and blurring the truth of moments that happen on this show is only acceptable in these recaps.
Ella speaks up about the artistic licence Olivia is taking with her dramatisation.
"That story got completely blown out of proportion," she shakes her head. "She wasn't holding it at you. She wasn't using it as a weapon."
"It was being waved around," Olivia flings her arm in the air again and stumbles around like a drunk pirate.
It's this vivid impression of Domenica that convinces the other contestants to believe Olivia's version of events.
"I feel very validated by the group tonight," Olivia nods.
Well, that tends to happen when you lie and manipulate people in order to get them on your side.
Afterwards, Jackson decides to pull Olivia aside to have a discussion about what exactly led to the sorta-glassing. He has heard word that Olivia was taunting Domenica about her voice and he wants to get to the bottom of it. Surely he's just misunderstood.
"Her voice sucks! Her voice does suck," Olivia spits.
"Honestly, if it were up to me, I'd burn her at the stake. I'm petty. I'm a petty, petty person. I think she's white trash."
Huh. For Jackson, this is a new side he's seeing of his wife.
"It's not something I'm attracted to at all," he tells us.
Well, then. Just wait until you hear about what she did to the poo dress.
Meanwhile, Carolina is fake-trying to be nice to her husband Dion, as per the experts' instructions. How do we know she's only fake-trying?
"Want to go for a run?" she asks her husband, a man who she criticises daily for not exercising.
Dion scrunches up his face in bewilderment. "She knows I'm not a runner."
Just wait. Tomorrow, she will invite him to brunch. And then ask if he wants to go to an EDM festival where absolutely no '80s music will be playing.
Across the compound, Kate's still being a wet cat. Mainly because she's with Matt in a hot tub.
As she gets out, he spanks her.
Would you rather:
A) Get sorta-glassed by Domenica?
B) Get spanked by Matt while in a hot tub?
The answer is A. Definitely A.
Wet cat Kate reacts like a wet cat.
"Don't ever hit me on the bum again or I'll punch you in the head," she warns.
After last night's sorta-glassing incident, it's vital producers step in and act responsibly. So they organise another boozy soirée and ensure lots of delicate wine glasses are placed around the table.
Olivia walks up to Dom to taunt her with a passive-aggressive greeting. "Hey, girlfriend! Give us a hug," she holds out her arms.
Dom takes a deep breath. "I don't think I can do that just yet," she says.
Olivia lets out a string of huffy groans and strops away. "I'm just trying to be the bigger person here," she remarks loudly.
Dom's saving her words for a group apology, which she delivers over dinner while Olivia provides an endless stream of sassy asides that sound like they were stolen from a really bad '90s sitcom.
"Do I need, like, a Xanax before we have this chat or what?" Oliver eye-rolls.
"Hey. That was rude," Jackson whispers in her ear.
But the warning doesn't stop her from firing off more half-smart remarks while Domenica explains her actions.
"Can someone please pass the cyanide," she mutters while swigging from her wine glass incessantly.
"This is bullsh*t, this is bullsh*t," she mumbles.
When everyone else at the table accepts Dom's apology, Olivia snaps.
"Do you realise how serious it is? It's assault what you did last night!" she yells.
Jackson's had enough. He won't sit by while his wife antagonises. He's disgusted by what he has seen. And, again, just wait till he hears about what she did to the poo dress.
"The thing that has hurt me is sitting here and listening to the snide comments," he tells her. "You were giving snide comments all night."
Earlier in the episode, we saw Carolina fake-try. Now, we see Olivia fake-cry.
"I'm feeling so vulnerable and so attacked!" she wails. "I'm sorry I'm not nice and lovely all the time!"
Jackson consoles her as if she were a three-year-old.
"I didn't say you have to be nice and lovely all the time but you don't have to be mean all the time either," he reasons in a singsong voice.
But the damage is done. Jackson tells the boys he's horrified at what unfolded before his eyes.
"That was a bit of an ugly side that I didn't like," he shakes his head. "That's hatred. If she can't get over that nasty side, I don't know how I'm gonna feel moving forward."
Olivia knows she needs to pull out the big guns in order to make her husband see her as the victim in all this. So she fakes a panic attack and forces us to watch her hyperventilating on the toilet.
A toxic cloud hangs low over the evening. We need to escape it, ASAP. Oh, look! Al's reading his wife a poem he wrote at kindy!
We miss the opening stanza but arrive just in time for the end.
I will also take John's advice and learn to grow up
Also learn to not drink from a shoe, instead of from a cup
That's great, Al. But, in light of recent events, just make sure it's a plastic sippy cup.
