KEY POINTS:
This week the UK television show Strictly Come Dancing announced the latest batch of celebrity names (B-Z listers) that will take to the dance floor, and today in the US, it was announced, while on the way to hospital, Paris Hilton's former BFF, Kim Kardashian, (whose foot reportedly
had a run in with a glass coffee table) is rumoured to be lined up to be on the next season of the US show Dancing with the Stars - the one Our Rach tangoed in. Hunter obviously can't get enough of the reality dance show, or the appearance fee at least, because she appeared in the British version as well!
What is it with the phenomenon that is Dancing with the Stars that it can't draw A-list celebrities to the dance floor? There's no denying it's a ratings winner. Hundreds of thousands of Kiwis tuned in every week during the show's seasons to root for their hero, or to perv at the svelte figures of the dancers. But let's face it - the show oozes more cheesiness than a French Brie factory in a fire. A-list and cool, it is not.
In series six of Strictly Come Dancing, the one Brendan Cole and Hayley Holt are house dancers in, schlebs like former S Club Seven singer/lip-sincher Rachel Stevens have signed up, hoping it will be a quick-step back to success. The pop star who bleated Don't Stop Movin' has done just that career-wise. The Mirror reported the work has dried up for Stevens recently, and she's hoping the show, that has done wonders for people like Kelly Brook, "will get her back in the limelight."
Other celebs treat the show as their own personal gym membership where they can tone up after baby, or after the traditional career hiatus binge feast. Get a personal trainer, I say.
What is it with these sorts of shows that pick so-called stars whose light is diminishing? If we didn't want to see them before in their own environment, do we want to see them in another with the added embarrassment of lycra and sequins?
The answer, not-so-predictably, is YES! There's nothing we lap up more than a former star prepared to shamelessly parade about for a further 15 minutes of fame. It's what reality shows are made of. It's the It-to-Ick factor, and as TV voyeurs we love it.
But is it the kiss of death for a career? Sure, stars happily sign up to DWTS in the hope their career can be resurrected, but will it really? And for those who are employed but are hoping the show may provide additional limelight, or the chance to raise their rating on the star index (A-Z), will it ever?
Let's face it, isn't Dancing with the Stars that show that provides schlebs their one last tango before their career goes to that happy place in the sky? Is it the last gulp of air before the coronary? Where stars cha-cha-cha in the farm shed before their career is put out to pasture for good?
Take Beatrice Faumuina, for instance. Where has her career gone since her stint on DWTS? 28th at the XXIX Olympics in Beijing for Queen Bea, that's where. And a self righteous request for the first flight home.
What I do love about Dancing with the Stars, and there is one thing. I love the way the show's producers typecast the celebrity roles. The way they appeal to the broad spectrum of viewers by offering something for everyone in a chocolate box sort of way.
There's always a friendly political figure, a pretty ethnic face, a redeemed sports star, a baby boomer to defy the age barrier, a media figure to provide daily doses of coverage, and a slap-stick star prepared to play the clown. Every year it's the same - a predictable assortment of eight schlebrity stereotypes to cheer for. And we love it.
So, Spy got to thinking, and this is who we reckon could possibly be gracing the Avalon stage on the next season of Dancing with the Stars (click here for the photos):
Jonah Lomu - the footy legend
Casey Green - the WAG
Dick Hubbard - the former Mayor
Michelle Boag - the baby boomer
Mark Sainsbury - the broadcaster
Carly Binding - the ex pop star
Karl Burnett - the joker
Miriama Kamo - the wahine
What do you think? Are we right?
Rachel Glucina
Pictured above: Miriama Smith and Jonny Williams dancing the Cha Cha. Photo / Neil Mackenzie TVNZ