When Taylor Swift announced she said “yes” to Travis Kelce, the internet squealed. And then it nitpicked.
The caption. The ring. The flowers. And the shorts.
Some eagle-eyed commenters (and we won’t lie, a few Post journalists) were quick to point out that Kelce dropped to his right knee instead of his left, sparking etiquette critiques. (This author couldn’t help but laugh because earlier this year, when my fiance proposed, he did the exact same thing.)
But is there really such a thing as a wrong way to propose anymore? Engagement traditions have shifted alongside so much else about modern relationships.
To find out what rules still matter, we asked three proposal experts to weigh in on famous and not-so-famous proposals.
The knee debate is a relic more than a rule. “A long time ago, back in Medieval times, the tradition was on the left knee. People said it represented devotion,” Lizzie Post, co-president of The Emily Post Institute (and a proud Swiftie herself), said. “Today, it absolutely does not matter. It’s whatever is going to be comfortable, whatever’s going to keep you stable, whatever makes it easiest to present the ring. If that’s what you’re doing.”
In Kelce’s case, Post joked, “For an NFL player, for the amount of time he’s been playing, he gets down on whatever knee feels comfortable.”
In fact, many experts say the position matters less for symbolism and more for practicality. Luke Collins, a wedding photographer near Lake Michigan in Wisconsin who has captured more than 500 proposals over the past decade, said he often advises clients on how to angle themselves.
“I like to shoot and get her reaction, so I make sure that he kind of angles his shoulder in my direction or his back towards me,” Collins explained. “Otherwise, if he’s facing me when he goes on his knee, I just kind of see the back of her head. And typically that’s not what we’re going for.”
If there’s one thing proposal experts agree on, it’s that there are no hard-and-fast rules, but the moment should feel intentional. That doesn’t mean you need an elaborate set-up or an expensive ring – and it doesn’t matter who proposes to whom. What matters, they say, is knowing your partner and incorporating something meaningful.
Kimberly and Tiffany Le, twin sisters who run Something Special, a Bay Area proposal planning company, often suggest weaving in your partner’s favourite colours or flowers. “I believe Kelce did that for Swift,” Kimberly Le said. “In her lyrics, she says she goes to a secret garden in her mind and [the proposal] basically just looked like that. He met her in her secret garden.” Le added: “The location also looks like it could be the Lover garden, which ties back to her album. So everything just feels intentional.”
Think carefully about what will make your partner comfortable; Post said that means considering both the setting and the circumstances. “If your partner is an introvert, then proposing on a jumbotron is not a good idea,” she said. And while it may be tempting to piggyback on someone else’s big event, like a wedding or birthday party, Post advises against stealing the spotlight unless you’ve been explicitly invited to do so.
The photos are often treated like a Super Bowl moment. Collins said one of the biggest shifts he’s seen is the rise of proposal photography as its own trend. “When I started doing it, I felt like I was the only one photographing proposals,” he said. “Now it’s something most photographers do. It’s become a trend in itself, just to have someone there to capture the moment.”
But while the photos may be Instagram-ready, etiquette still applies when it comes to sharing the big news. Post said there are no rules for how an engagement must be announced, but there are boundaries.
“Don’t livestream your proposal and don’t send a mass text,” she said. “This is a celebratory time for your close family and friends to find out first, before social media.”
It’s still unclear when exactly Kelce proposed (his father Ed Kelce told a Cleveland news station it happened “nearly two weeks ago”) or if the photos posted were of the actual moment. But Post said there’s nothing that says a proposal has to be a surprise. “There’s plenty of times where the pictures are staged and a person proposed privately, like in their home,” she said.
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