Justice Minister Judith Collins. Photo / Mark Mitchell
CaseLoad sent an email the other day (May 7) to fragrant Justice Minister Judith Collins' office requesting a copy of Miss Collins' itinerary for her visit to China last October, plus copies of any speeches she made and reports compiled on the outcome of the visit.
That's the visit that twisted the collective knickers of her political opponents and caused Prime Minister John Key to send her home for a wee lie down.
Straightforward stuff, you might think.
Replying on behalf of Miss Collins, one Ashleigh Muir acknowledged receipt of CaseLoad's email - which is deemed by the Minister's office to be a request for information under the Official Information Act 1982.
"The Minister is considering your request in accordance with the Act and will respond in due course," Ashleigh Muir told CaseLoad.
Hmmm...Let's hope that in the light of Miss Collins' sermon to the Chinese, neither she nor her staff try to delay handing over information which is readily available.
Miss Collins told the Chinese she was glad to be speaking to them about the New Zealand model and experience for building a clean government.
"A clean, transparent Government that is free from corruption is one of New Zealand's biggest assets," she told the China Executive Leadership Academy Pudong back in October, at what was not a private dinner.
Watch this space.
An Observation
"It's a bit rich, CaseLoad," said a Bloke at the Next Leaner, "that Auckland has only one vice president on the New Zealand Law Society representing nearly half the lawyers in the whole of New Zealand - the same as Wellington, central North Island and the South Island."
Unless CaseLoad is advised otherwise, no-one has anything to complain about.
A Peek Into A Pair Of Mature Lady Briefs
In a quiet nook in the Ladies and Escorts Lounge a pair of mature lady briefs share a long-overdue collegial pint and pie...
"Don't know about you Doris," said Dot, easing her stays and giving her b*m a break. "But all this traipsing about at the beck and call of squabbling spouses [spice?] is fair doing my finely-coiffed head in."
"It's not often we agree, Dot, but I'm with you on that," said Doris, kicking off her high heels and heaving a thigh over a stool. "Bung me the sauce, old toot."
"But it needs saying, Doris," said Dot. "Your scurrilous attack on my wealthy client's secret trust account was jolly uncalled for and beyond the pale..."
"Not nearly as appalling, Dot, as your outrageous cross-examination of my rich tottie about her private friendship with the gardener...Nothing to do with anything...
All in all that kind of trivial stuff dragged out proceedings an extra three days."
"Yes," beamed Dot, mopping up the crumbs with a laddered stocking.
"Three more days in court. Tallied up your final fee note yet???"
"Buttums up, lass," roared Doris.
A Jar On The Bar
"What-ho, CaseLoad," said Our Man At The Bar. "I see your new political party is off the ground..."
"About time too, I say.
Just what this country needs - a new deal where folk are valued for what they are and not the width of their pin-stripe or the height of their heels...
A land where good folk can hold up their heads and march together into a new dawn...
Where we get on with doing stuff, leading the world and Getting on the Map.
Remember, work will set you free...
How much are you paying us to sign up, by the way???
What??? We pay you - donations in the Jar on the Bar???
Show me the road to Coatesville," said OMATB, pocketing the small change.
"No foreign coins," said The Scunner.
Exclusive Shock Revelation
CaseLoad today reveals the shocking results of an on-going probe into the New Zealand justice system's most sordid scandal - how criminals get special one-on-one access to judges.
In what are referred to by those in the know as "appearances", thousands of criminals get direct face-to-face daily access to judges in every court in the land, CaseLoad can reveal.
It's been going on for years and no steps are taken to stop it.
In-depth research and investigation prove beyond any doubt that criminals flock to the courts in droves - in most cases to get a "better" or "soft option" deal for themselves.
Many criminals are openly aided and abetted by lawyers, who unashamedly assist criminals successfully obtain such "arrangements".
Lawyers are complicit in the "arrangements" and are regularly paid enormous sums of money from a huge multi-million dollar slush fund financed by taxpayers and known as "the legal aid gravy train."
Some courts have even seen a bottle-neck of criminals queuing up to see judges.
CaseLoad has seen with his own eyes cases criminals and judges openly engaging in direct conversation in court. Court staff regularly collude to make this happen.
Judges have even had criminals brought closer to the judicial bench so they can "have a chat" and "do the business."
As a result of this direct contact with judges, criminals have escaped jail terms and been sent home after "promising" judges their "bad ways" are "behind them" and they will "go straight."
A senior advisor (who asked not to be named) to Justice Minister Judith Collins - who was said to be too distraught by the disclosures to tear herself away from gardening leave - could only say: "What can I say??? This is a shocker."
Meanwhile, a senior judicial communications source (who asked not to be named) told CaseLoad that as a result of these shocking revelations a few anxious judges had come forward to say they thought the practice was, in their words, "OK" and "on the square."
"Some judges say they were easily led and went along with it because all the other judges are at it."
"As a result of certain media reports the Chief Justice (at present studying judicial architecture in Tuscany) has demanded a "please explain" from all her judges with a view to stamping out the practice forthwith."
"Clearly, some heads will roll," said the source.
Meanwhile, news is about to break of a pilot scheme to trial judge-free courtrooms, usually reliable sources tell CaseLoad.
You heard it here first.
Adventures of Shazza (or Tales of a RAM* About Town)
Shazza, a bushy-tailed, up-for-it legal swashbuckler, ponders his meteoric popularity and all-round animal magnetism.
"It's not about me, but if I admit the truth I just can't help being such an in-demand, out there, swinging d*ck Jack the Lad," Shazza told his mirror.
"Is that a rock-solid get-out-of-jail-free sentencing submission under my gown or am I just pleased to pleasure the Court?"
More soon.
[*RAM - Recently Admitted Member of the bar]
Thought For The Week
Liberties have been taken and we intend to unmask the Libertine...
This Week's Question (1)
What is the correct response when encountering a confused senior jurist struggling with trouser problems in the Northern Club Dungeon Room latrine???
This Week's Question (2)
If the higher courts agree that finance company directors Doug Graham, Lawrie Bryant, Michael Reeves and Bill Jefferies are honest why was so much public money squandered on finding them guilty and convicting them of making untrue statements to money-losing investors?
Next Time
CaseLoad apologises for discomfort caused by infelicities of language.
"Fat chance," said The Scunner.
Footnote
A lasting memory in the scandal of part-time English judge Constance Briscoe (56), who got 16 months jail for perverting the course of justice, was the sight of her arriving at the Old Bailey for sentencing with her designer overnight bag packed.