A cruel complaint from a "wealthy" and "privately educated" brewery customer has gone viral after the mistake-laden email was shared on Twitter.
The correspondence was sent to By The River Brew Co's Träkol Restaurant in Newcastle, England by a "self employed" businessman who slammed the "crap food", news.com.au reports.
"I am born and bread (sic) in Newcastle … Self employed from a wealthy background and well educated (privately, obviously)," the unnamed man wrote.
"I have eaten in the best restaurants of Newcastle, Europe and the Caribbean.
"I can honestly say I have never eaten such crap food in crap surroundings and payed (sic) at least four times what the food was worth.
"I appreciate your venture is high risk so probably need a quick return but …?????"
He continued by saying "as a businessman I would not do you the disservice of posting this on social media", but continued by blasting the chef — who he accused of being "vegan or thick" — for serving "salty shellfish".
He also griped about the wine, which he described as "budget supermarket garbage at £25 ($AU45) a bottle" and claimed good staff were forced to "serve crap food at extortionate prices" as well as speculating the eatery was on a "short lease in shipping containers" with a "short time business plan".
The business — which has been mentioned in the renowned Michelin Guide — fired back a no-holds-barred reply — before sharing the entire exchange on Twitter with the caption: "The customer is always right … unless they are very very rude and very very wrong and sometimes, even in hospitality, you just have to say it like it is …"
The response begins with a brutal clapback.
"Thank you for your mail — as a self employed, wealthy, privately educated individual we would have thought you would have understood the difference between bread and bred," it states.
It then brilliantly hits back at each individual complaint.
"Chef is neither vegan or 'thick' — a bit chunky maybe … but thick? … no definitely not.
"Crap food: We are glad you enjoyed the Barnsley Chop and we are relatively intrigued just where your sheep farm was? Heaton? Gosforth? Jesmond? Actually … no matter and no need to let us know … the real surprise is that you would expect crustaceans to be anything but salty given that they live in … the sea.
"Crap surroundings: you don't go into much detail here — and of course this is not the Caribbean at which you have dined in the best restaurants.
"Wine: you do not say which wine you refer to. Please let us know which supermarkets you source these wines at budget prices from (we imagine you are a Waitrose kind of guy) and we will be straight down there with our bags for life to stock up."
The post quickly went viral, with Twitter users praising the response and slamming the customer.
Rob Jeldon wrote: "(privately, obviously). What. A. Tool. Great response" while Stirling Gin said it was a "brilliant response to an utterly terrible person."
Another posted: "I'd be wanting a refund for that private education … obviously", while another said: "Maybe instead of eating in posh places author could have spent some time learning grammar … as tutors in his private, obviously, school did not do very good job at it …"