Bill Sutch and Shirley Smith were two of New Zealand's most significant 20th century figures. Keith Ovenden's memoir starts in the early years of his marriage to their only daughter, Helen Sutch - and the agony of the Sunday roast ritual.
It was perhaps my misfortune to have encountered Bill too late in his day, for when I began to acquire some intimate knowledge of him, from the spring of 1971 to the winter of 1972 when I held a post-doctoral fellowship at Victoria University of Wellington, I was expected to spend many hours in his company. They were never happy. The ritual was dinner on a Sunday evening at Helen's parents' home, the spiritual breaking of bread at the altar of family. Present, too, would be Bill's sister — also called Shirley — who lived almost next door. She was a professional psychologist who had recently taken early retirement from the psychology service for schools. In the family she was commonly referred to as "sister Shirley".
Given Shirley and Bill's antagonism to our marriage and the wound this had inflicted on Helen in discovering that her mother's love was not unconditional, it is hard even now for friends to understand why we saw this ritual endorsement of family as a necessary obligation. Surely we might have said, well, in the circumstances, perhaps we should stay away, or at least go less frequently. It is a testimony to the strength of Helen's personality, her determination not to let her parents drive her from the family, that we never adopted this option.
The circumstances, already unpropitious enough, were laced with an air of tension so intense that it hung heavy over the table like a Brent Wong geometric sky object, oppressive, angular, a form of mesmeric menace. The situation was not helped by Shirley's resistance to having outsiders, or even family, in her kitchen, so that any normal participation in the general minutiae of the dinner was denied me. No table clearing, no fetching and carrying, no washing-up. Helen's assistance, except in the preparation of food, was permitted, but even so there was an unstated threat of possible sudden reversal, of permission withdrawn.