Go-to guys in every family due a big 'thank you'
Father's Day this weekend gives us an opportunity to cogitate on what it is to be a dad. I can't speak personally, of course, but I am married to one, and I have one I can call my own. It's easy
to take both for granted.
The fact that I am married to the father of my children is no longer the norm for an increasing number of women. For many children, mum and dad live in separate places. I put no particular value judgment on that. It just is. Primarily, children need loving, reliable, attentive adults in their lives who they can rely upon to deliver for them, even if they live in separate homes. For me, age, gender or sexual orientation of the reliable adult are not factors, as long as they do a good job of nurturing the vulnerable in their care.
Some kids have no dad in their lives. Some, sadly, for very good reasons, others because he has forgotten his responsibilities. Whatever the cause of dad-lessness, I hope these children have a good man somewhere in their lives to be a role model for them.
I remember doing a TV story some years ago about the Big Buddy scheme, which is now well established in Auckland and spreading elsewhere. It had a very simple philosophy of matching a Little Buddy (a 7 to 12-year-old boy) with a Big Buddy - a man who could spare three hours a week, every week, doing ordinary things like kicking a ball around a park, fishing, seeing a sports game, with the youngster but, in essence, just hanging out together. As they say, it's not about what you do, it's the fact that you turn up regularly, take a genuine interest in the boy's life and, in doing so, show him what it is to be a good man.
My kids are lucky because they have a good man on tap in their dad. They know quite a few good men and as they get older it's wise to have a few about. He does stuff I don't. He is the go-to man for help with maths and science (I can't believe I got As for those back in sixth form because the subjects look foreign to me now). He is the sideline supporter, yet the honest critic on the sports field. He is, hands down, the best (made up) bedtime storyteller detailing the adventures of the flying carpet. He buys more interesting stuff at the supermarket.
He plays music louder, and knows more about it than I do. He not only swims in the pool, he plays games and throws the kids about - to their great delight. He takes more risks with them and also takes less nonsense. He does a lot of things well in the dad stakes.
My dad has been a constant in my 42 years on the planet, something I probably take too much for granted. But I shouldn't because I'm sure there are people who probably don't have the luxury of saying that about their fathers. He has always been there when I've needed him, and even when I thought I didn't; that would be in years between 13 and 21). He is ever practical and many times I have appreciated that attribute over the years. So, too, do his grandchildren as he helps reconfigure guinea pig hutches or set up tools in his garage so his grandson can make a helicopter from a few pieces of wood.
He has time, too. Time as a dad or a granddad is just irreplaceable. He spent countless hours with me when I was a teenager indulging my love of horses, helping me pick up poo, building fences, renting horse floats, driving all over the place. Looking back, I can see it was a big commitment, but it provided a great opportunity for us to grow our
connection over the love and labour of looking after a horse.
If you are fortunate to have a good dad in your life, Sunday's the day to tell him you love him and what you appreciate about him. Better still, tell him that every Sunday.
