I once almost killed a Canterbury rugby supporter.
It was 1994, I was about 16 and went on a roadie with a whole group of footy mates to Christchurch to watch Otago challenge the Cantabs for the Ranfurly Shield. Clad in blue and gold boiler suits and hard-hats with Speight's stickers plastered all over them, we made our way to Lancaster Park, revelling in that unique atmosphere that can only be found amid throngs of people all marching expectantly to a sporting event.
Those with a passing acquaintance of rugby history will recognise the occasion -- the infamous David Latta penalty in the dying minutes of the game that gifted Canterbury the match. Of all the heartache and close calls suffered by Otago rugby fans over the years -- this is the one that hurts the most.
After being urinated on, having various items of debris hurled our way and abused in a manner that would make a sailor blush, we decided to head for the hills as the last cruel rites were being administered, once the noble cause was lost. That proved to be more difficult than it should have been as we were punched, kicked and spat on as we jostled our way through the terrace crowd in an effort to get to the nearest exit.
We spied an exit in the form of a concrete staircase and made as swift a beeline for it as circumstances would allow. But one final hurdle awaited us as we inched closer to the clearing -- on a landing above the stairs was a group of particularly nasty Cantabs who took full advantage of the high ground and reigned down hellfire and brimstone on the hapless Otago boys -- everything from full beer cans, to food and bodily excretions were hatefully hurled in our direction.
By chance I looked up and among the melee of distorted, gnarling and gnashing Canterbury faces was a scarf dangling down in a tempting fashion. Always one for a souvenir, I leapt up and managed to grab it before running down the stairs. I wasn't aware when I latched on, but the scarf was still wrapped around the neck of one of the devilish Cantabs. I heard him gargling for help as he tried to free himself with one hand, the other still holding a projectile -- so I pulled harder and managed to run down about eight stairs, dragging him half over the railings, before I either lost grip or the scarf broke, not sure which one -- but I felt like I'd done my level best to choke as much life out of him as possible.
Needless to say, I felt mildly perturbed as we wandered around Christchurch, our resplendent uniforms, now sodden, smelly and ripped and their owners forlorn and despondent. And yet the abuse continued -- not good natured banter, just spiteful, venomous cursing.
Over the ensuing years, the Canterbury rugby supporter has changed very little. It is still, by and large, a humourless and nasty creature with a tendency to readily take offence at a perceived slight against its beloved Red and Blacks, in much the same way as a Dunedin person takes a bad weather forecast personally.
This point was once again reinforced during the week when I received an email from a Peter Cooke entitled Penis Envy. Not unusual, I thought, for a Cantab to have an inferiority complex over the size of his manhood, until I realised Mr Cook was suggesting I was the subject of this envy.
He wrote: "I listened with interest to you and Steve Davie dissing the Crusaders and all who sail in her." Mr Cooke is referring to a weekly chat sports broadcaster Steve Davie and I have each Saturday morning on The All Sports Breakfast, an Otago-wide sports show I host on Newstalk ZB.
He went on to say: "The day that Canterbury need a Campbell Live plea for money and a sausage sizzle to stay afloat will be the time for comment. Until your sorry bunch make a final pull your collective heads in. Who cares you didn't make the semi finals. Winners are grinners".
I've deliberately left the grammatical errors and lack of punctuation in as I believe these things are a measure of a person's basic intelligence, not to mention pride. It is, however, excellent and welcome feedback, and I have thanked Mr Cooke for it.
Steve and I did raise the topic of who we would be supporting in last weekend's Super Rugby semi-final and I can assure you it wasn't the Crusaders.
Some people, such as Farming Show host Jamie Mackay, view this as an act of treason. What a load of b******. It's sport, not war. Who really cares what people think when it comes to a sporting encounter?
Get a grip. As I pointed out in my reply to Mr Cooke, most of the negative comments Steve and I raised were towards Canterbury supporters, not their outstanding team. I also pointed out the supporters are generally very defensive, lacking in humility and void of humour.
I really should have pulled harder on that scarf.