Methamphetamine destroyed Kylie Chapman's life.
Twice.
After a 17-year relationship with the drug she is still in recovery.
The 39-year-old Whangarei mum has shared her harrowing story in a video that was played at the Te Ara Oranga launch yesterday.The Ministry of Health gave $3 million to Te Ara Oranga's pilot project aimed at reducing the number of Northlanders harmed by methamphetamine. The programme is spearheaded by the Northland District Health Board and Northland Police.
Her hard-hitting story tells how her addiction affected her children - three of whom are addicts - and her family.
After the screening at the launch, Chapman urged families of those using meth or users themselves to get help immediately.
"Family always know what is going on. And users, if they think they don't need help, then they are delusional. They think they're functioning but they're not."
Chapman, who is receiving treatment through Odyssey House, said she was weak and meth destroyed her and led her down a criminal path.
"Meth almost destroyed me. I've been clean before so I have had to climb out of a methamphetamine hell twice," Chapman said.
"I failed as a mother and with the help of my drug dealer I created a toxic relationship with my kids. I am, and forever will be, utterly ashamed and disgusted at my actions and the way I allowed things that never should have been, to happen."
She justified her three older children using meth by saying: "I'd rather they were at home doing it so I knew they were safe".
"I abandoned my children by giving up as a mother. I was drowning. It didn't matter what I did, I just kept digging my hole deeper and deeper because that was easier than asking for help."
It was when she was arrested that help and a chance at being rescued seemed possible.
Chapman admits she was relieved to be arrested and thought the nightmare might finally be over when she was sentenced to receive treatment from Odyssey House: "Relieved that the shadowy life I had created for myself and my whanau might now be at an end. I had imprisoned my children and my whanau and, in a sense, they were serving my sentence as well.
"My rehab was an opportunity to get clean and find myself again; to become a better mother, daughter, sister, aunty, niece and granddaughter."
Treatment at Odyssey was hard. Dealing with her addiction was difficult. Being in a therapeutic community is something she struggles with every day. However, it has taught Chapman to deal with confrontation in a healthy way.
"It's taught me to hold myself and others accountable for our actions.
"I realise that I must change the streetwise attitude that was dragging me down and learn a more productive way of life. I have gained significant insights into the causes and consequences of my past behaviour."
She said she is no longer her kids' drug dealer and is no longer their friend.
"I'm something much more important - and that's an effective and loving mother.
"Through my growth I can see my kids growing.
"I've learned that change involves discomfort and if I don't embrace change I'm no good to myself or to the people that mean so much to me."