Popular local radio host Jay-Jay Harvey, who walked out of a live broadcast after a "depressive episode" yesterday, says she struggles with the demands of being popular in her new book.
Jay-Jay is off-air again today and has cancelled an upcoming book tour after walking out of yesterday's live broadcast on The Edge's morning show around 8.30am.
Her on-air and off-air partner Dominic Harvey said she was "in one of the toilet cubicles crying".
"Jay-Jay just reaches a point, it's like a computer where there's too many things open and then it just sort of shuts down," he told listeners.
The radio DJ has been open about her depression in the past, and she tackles the topic in a chapter near the end of her new book, Life on the Edge.
In a segment of the book read out by Dom on air yesterday, Harvey writes about how how she gives until she "bursts".
"My depression rears its ugly head every now and again, and brings the whole damn party down. In reality I feel like I cannot cope with the pressures and demands of being popular," she wrote.
"People want something from me and I'm always happy to give but there's not enough of me to go around so I share and share until I burst. When that happens I become a complete and utter mess. I'm no use to anyone.
"I hate myself for not being able to do everything that's expected of me, and I try to push everyone away so they don't see me like this. I stop going out, I pull out of commitments and I contemplate quitting: quit my job, quit my extra-curricular commitments, quit everything.
"I need to cry it out and try to get some clarity, try to figure out what exactly it is that's bringing me down."
The pair's co-host Clinton Randell yesterday said he's exchanged texts with Jay-Jay, who was at home resting and told him she was "so sorry".
"I feel like I'm letting everyone down."
Where to get help:
• Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7)
• Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• Youth services: (06) 3555 906
• Youthline: 0800 376 633
• Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
• Whatsup: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
• The Word
• Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 (available 24/7)
• Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
• CASPER Suicide Prevention
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.