'Tell kids early' of donor origins

Children as young as 3 should be told they were conceived with the help of a sperm donor or risk psychological damage in later life, says ground-breaking new research.

Amid calls for a dramatic shift in attitudes towards children of sperm donors, the first British study into the lives of 25,000 "donor-assisted" children and teenagers will be presented to fertility experts at the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority conference in London today.

The study focused on children aged between 5 and 18 who were either told as toddlers or before the age of 7 that they were conceived as the result of anonymous sperm donation.

Some parents said they had gone against the advice of clinics, which had warned them to keep their fertility treatment secret from their offspring, relatives and friends.

But Professor Eric Blyth, the co-author of the study, said parents who do not tell their children may end up bearing a heavy psychological burden.

"My view is that parents should tell their children as soon as the child is old enough to understand," said Mr Blyth, professor of social work at Huddersfield and an expert on fertility treatment and child welfare.

"I think most children are able to understand at least the basics by about 3 or 4 years of age. If the child does find out accidentally there are all the repercussions of 'Why didn't you tell me?' and 'What else haven't you told me?"'

Research published this year by the Family Child Psychology Centre at City University in London found that, although there was a greater trend in being more open with children, not all parents felt comfortable with it.

"People who did not want to disclose felt it was irrelevant, or their infertility was personal to them," said Dr Emma Lycett, a City University researcher.

The new research, carried out by University of Huddersfield and the Open University, will say that telling toddlers their genetic father is a sperm donor does not damage the bond with their parents or a young person's sense of identity, and can even strengthen relationships.

Their study suggests that, although some children would like to trace their genetic fathers, they have no wish to form any emotional attachment with them.

Insemination with donor sperm has been used in Britain for many years, but it did not become common until the 1970s.

The use of donor eggs is a more recent development, with the first baby born through this method in 1987.

Although thousands of babies have been conceived through sperm or egg donation, a huge taboo still persists about telling children they are the product of assisted conception.

Some studies suggest that nearly half of parents have not told, or are unlikely to tell, their children they were "donor-assisted" babies.

Professor Alison Murdoch, chairwoman of the British Fertility Society, said most people who conceive with the help of a donor do not tell their children because society is still not accepting enough.

"Secrecy is not helpful, but to tell a child as a teenager is equally not good - it suggests they have been living a lie.

"As soon as parents begin to tell a child about the facts of life they should tell them about this.

"Mummy and Daddy will still be Mummy and Daddy."

- INDEPENDENT