WARNING: GRAPHIC
It was Belinda Neil's first day on the homicide squad when she arrived at what would be one the most disturbingly gruesome crime scenes seen in her career.
Matthew De Gruchy killed his mum and siblings so violently they resembled crash victims, wiping out most of his family without any explanation.
Now more than 20 years later, one of Australia's most violent teen killers could be out on the streets and Ms Neil is adamant he should stay behind bars, reports news.com.au.
De Gruchy, now 41, could be released after his probation and parole hearing in June.
He was just 18 when he bludgeoned to death his mother, sister and brother in their Illawarra home in March, 1996. He was arrested three months later for the crimes.
He has always denied the killings, insisting he was at the home of his girlfriend and found the bodies when he returned home.
Last month, the State Parole Authority "formed an intention to grant parole".
The suburban massacre was so brutal it changed the lives of police who saw the murder scene, Ms Neil, who detailed the horrific crime in her 2014 book Under Siege, being one of them.
"He is a sociopath," she told news.com.au.
"That's my non-medical expertise. I saw the damage to those bodies and their faces.
"He wrote notes, disposed of evidence, and never ever admitted or showed any remorse.
"It's really worrisome. I don't think he should be let out at all. I think he's a very dangerous person."
The De Gruchy murders sit alongside another horrific case Ms Neil had to cover just nine days later.
"Between that and the Kim Meredith case, the De Gruchy case is probably the worst I've ever been to," she said.
Kim Meredith was 19 when she was propped against a wall, her throat slashed, with what appeared to be human faeces smeared across her stomach in the very early hours of March 23, 1996 in Albury.
Graham Mailes was found guilty of the murder and sentenced with "a limiting term" of 25 years.
In November 2015, it was discovered he had been released from prison.
The memories of that murder still haunt Ms Neil, who suffers from post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after 18 years in the NSW police force.
Those two cases made up four traumatic jobs in the space of just two months.
"Hindsight is a wonderful thing, I look back at that and I was just going from one to the other, there was no time to process it, it was just building up," she said.
Ms Neil left the homicide squad after having children of her own and horrific nightmares of them being murdered. She didn't want to risk arriving to a child murder scene.
She got promoted and sent to St George where her next case was a woman who had been bludgeoned and stabbed to death, her body found a couple of days later.
Ms Neil was 12 weeks pregnant with her second child at the time.
"My sense of smell was really heightened, it still is now, and I think it's because of that day," she said.
The nightmares and flashbacks doubled during her second pregnancy. She woke to vivid dreams her kids were being stabbed to death in bed.
"I was starting to get very irritable and forgetful," Ms Neil said.
"I remember driving home one night and going through a red night and I didn't even realise I'd done it until I got honked."
She missed a sentencing she wanted to be at, her marriage broke down and she woke up one morning and couldn't get out of bed.
Her girlfriend picked her up and took her to the doctor when she was diagnosed with PTSD.
"I had workmates question why I was sick, they thought I was stronger.
"It got to a point where I wanted to end my life. It wasn't until I got to that point I realised I had a problem. That's a big thing, once you accept you have a problem, then you can get the treatment.
"I still have PTSD, I'm certainly not cured, but I can manage it very well. I just didn't know back then there was no awareness and education."
Ms Neil will be speaking at the upcoming FearLess Conference being held August 21-2 on the Sunshine Coast, a national event starting a conversation about PTSD.
WHERE TO GET HELP:
If you are worried about your or someone else's mental health, the best place to get help is your GP or local mental health provider. However, if you or someone else is in danger or endangering others, call 111.
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