You seem tense, Fil. Maybe you should drink pure vodka and vent your thoughts in a vlog. Photo / Nine AU
A Married At First Sight groom used his wedding vows as an opportunity to plug his YouTube channel on Sunday night, enraging his bride’s friends and ensuring he’ll spend the night alone, smashing his own subscribe button.
It’s 2026 and we’re in a cost-of-living crisis. Let the guy monetise his nuptials!
Churches really should clear out a few of those crucifixes and allow some space for LED perimeter advertising from Harvey Norman and Telstra.
Priest: Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?
Bride: I-
Priest: Find out the result after this message from our sponsor!
But before we enjoy some romantic #SponCon, we meet a different couple getting married: Julia and Grayson.
Grayson is nice but boring. And Julia is –
“I’m bisexual,” she states clearly to expert John Aiken.
John’s eyes shoot wide open as he tries to manage his reaction.
“We’ve never had anyone who’s … in this position,” he stammers. “I’m very excited about it!”
Thanks John. You’re a real ally to the community.
The MAFS producers have come a long way since this show began over a decade ago. If this was 2015, they would’ve taken Julia’s sexuality and turned it into some kind of lame punchline.
But they’re treating it with respect, which they should, because bisexuality is real. You know what’s not real? Julia’s career.
“I’m a Confidence and Charisma Coach,” she declares.
We assume your services can be claimed under the alternative therapy extras coverage on our private health insurance?
Anyway, Julia and Grayson get married on the forecourt of the Sydney Opera House, overlooking the Harbour Bridge. Sucks to be all the other couples whose ceremonies were on a nature strip off the side of the highway.
They’re both instantly attracted to each other. She’s lovely and he’s sweet. But for Julia, the countdown is on to when she can tell her husband about her personal preferences.
At the reception, one of the groomsmen asks Julia what the toughest thing is about dating her.
“I’m actually bisexual!” she blurts.
Grayson, you still breathing?
He finally grins.
“It excites me!” he laughs.
Yeah, you and John Aiken.
Across town, we meet the final couple to get married: Stella (a beautician from Lithuania) and Filip (a tradie-turned-wellness YouTuber).
“I’m a morning person who hasn’t had a sip of alcohol in two years and hasn’t missed a workout in three years,” Filip says (read: brags).
As is the norm for most wedding vows, Filip ensures to work in some cross-promotion of his YouTube channel.
“I’m a carpenter, but I’m also an online health coach and YouTuber,” he plugs his side hustle to the national primetime audience watching at home.
Stella’s elated with her new husband and doesn’t seem to notice his love of synergistic advertising. But her sassy pal Joe sure does.
“There’s something not gelling with me. He was really emphasising his YouTube … isn’t that something you’d mention in private?” Joe gripes to us.
“Nup. It’s not a vibe. Is he really here for true love? Or is he here to elevate his platform.”
Whoa, hold the phone. Are you seriously suggesting someone would come on Married At First Sight just to gain social media followers? We’re shocked.
Joe, if you subscribed to the premium tier of MAFS, you could’ve gone to an ad-free wedding ceremony.
He takes his theory to Stella’s bridesmaids – Laila and Otavija. The words I’ll use to describe them are the same words my therapist uses to describe me: intense, manic and scary.
Joe keeps crapping on about how Filip’s wedding vow #SponCon is a red flag. Honestly? I thought the fact he gets up at 4am to exercise and hasn’t had a drink in two years was more of a red flag – and grounds for immediate annulment.
“Who in their vows talks about their YouTube channel? RED. FLAG,” Joe grumbles.
He shoots up from the table and pledges to pick a fight about it.
Ugh, Joe! That’s wildly inappropriate! You could make your feelings known in a more mature way … like, by anonymously trolling Filip’s videos in the YouTube comment section.
But before Joe can cause a scene, the reception is interrupted with a special Lithuanian wedding tradition involving vodka shots.
Filip refuses.
“I’m not doin’ it. I don’t drink. I just don’t do that,” he says firmly. “And the reason why I don’t do it is because I tell people not to do it.”
All Stella’s friends roll their eyes and peer-pressure him to break his sobriety.
Filip tries to defend himself.
“My whole business model is teaching guys to be sober!” he argues.
Stella’s mates hear this as just more self-promo about his damn YouTube channel.
Bridesmaid Laila decides to confront the vlogger about their concerns.
Filip explains he’s simply proud of how he has turned his life around and that he wanted his wife to know.
“I just can’t listen to someone misjudging me,” he says of Laila’s remarks.
Laila scoffs.
“It’s not judgment, it’s opinion,” she shoots back.
Before we can even decipher what that statement means, Filip has a comeback ready to roll.
“Well it’s mis-opinioning!” he snaps.
We’ll add that word to the 2026 edition of the MAFS translation guide.
They agree to disagree.
And we have no doubt Laila stays awake until sunrise, hitting the “thumbs down” button on all Filip’s YouTube videos.
Married At First Sight Australia screens Sundays-Wednesdays on Three and Three Now.