It goes without saying that things get messy on MAFS …
A paranoid Married At First Sight bride is left so humiliated after being sexually rejected by her new husband that she scrapes back some dignity the only way she knows how: By accusing him of perving on imaginary pedestrians.
No one wants to be sexually rejected. It would be mortifying. The experience ranks right up there with, say, being told you can no longer book appointments with your podiatrist because your really thick toenails keep breaking her commercial-grade steel clippers.
… Of course, that’s only a hypothetical comparison. It’s certainly not a personal experience. No. Definitely not.
Last night’s instalment of the freak show is a filler episode. The token elderly couple gets married but there’s no drama or tension. Booooooo! We don’t even see the bride or groom accidentally wet their absorbent briefs.
With not much else to do, we decide to spend most of our time on a Fiji island with Bec and Danny as their nightmare honeymoon unfolds in paradise.
Last night, Bec thought she’d just had mind-blowing sex with her new husband. But then he turned around and told her it was pretty average and that he’s not sexually attracted to her.
Ooft. We feel sorry for her. But Danny’s not a nasty guy. He’s committed to the relationship and he wants to work through it.
The problem? Well … Bec.
Here’s a wild theory: perhaps constantly trolling your new husband’s fashion choices and making snide comments disguised as “banter” isn’t the aphrodisiac you think it is?
On their wedding day, she spent about 10 minutes mocking the “heinous” crown brooch he gifted her as a memento before pretending to lose it so she wouldn’t have to keep it. And tonight, she relentlessly ridicules a leopard print shirt he brought along to wear at the tropical resort.
“Can I ask you a question? Have you worn your leopard print shirt out anywhere before,” she asks him, her tone cocky and assured.
“… Yeah?” he says, with a furrowed brow, confused as to where the suspicious conversation is heading.
“Right. And did you have any luck picking up women in your leopard print shirt,” she continues to mock.
Honestly, a nice guy in a leopard print shirt is far more tolerable than a paranoid meanie who won’t cool it with the obnoxious criticisms. Bec herself has crapped on endlessly about her lifelong body image issues and insecurities and it seems the way she deals with this self-doubt is by getting on the front foot and putting other people down before they can do it to her.
But Bec will not entertain the idea that perhaps her behaviour is even partially to blame for Danny not feeling an urgent attraction to her. Instead, over a light summery dinner of fresh seafood and cocktails, she decides to accuse her new husband of being a perv and gawking at sexy imaginary pedestrians.
What are the sexy imaginary pedestrians wearing? Probably nude-coloured scrunch-butt tights. Those pesky sexy imaginary pedestrians are notorious exhibitionists who will stop at nothing in order to steal whatever men they power walk past.
When Danny gets sick of the trolling and starts glancing around the resort, Bec continues to invent drama.
“Did you want a triple-take on the girl you’ve been staring at all day again?” she accuses.
Danny is confused.
“I’ve not even seen that girl … I don’t even know what to say to that,” he stammers.
Bec rolls her eyes and huffs.
“I’m over it. The girl that just ran past has been in your eye line all day,” she says. “You watched her run past this morning, you watched her at breakfast. [Do a] Triple-take then.”
“Bec. I’m not looking at other women. It’s as simple as that,” Danny insists. “I don’t even know the girl you’re talking about – that’s crazy.”
Bec scoffs. “Oh! Okay, I’M crazy.”
“No, I’m not calling YOU crazy,” Danny tries to hose down the escalating tension. “I’m just saying, you’re making me scared to look anywhere.”
Bec scrunches her face and convulses.
“Oh, f*** off! F***! Off!” she spits.
She shoots up from her chair and storms off to the public bathroom. A producer follows her and we linger in the neighbouring stall to eavesdrop. She goes into a manic spiral and starts ranting in an imagined argument with her husband, who’s sitting outside alone in the restaurant, perving on more sexy imaginary pedestrians.
“I’m over it. You’re not into me. I don’t wanna sit here and pretend we’re having a romantic dinner … every time that f***ing girl walks past … you’ve been staring at her all day,” she fumes to no one. “You just took a triple-take in front of me as she ran past. I’m over it. You’re not into me, that’s fine. Let’s walk away.”
When she eventually returns from her bathroom meltdown, the producers decide to set everything on fire by tossing The Sledge Box on the table.
If you’re new to the MAFS universe, here’s a simple explanation: The Sledge Box is a container filled with inflammatory questions that are written for the sole purpose of causing a fight and provoking each partner to insult the other with their real thoughts.
First question in The Sledge Box: What’s my most endearing and most annoying trait?
Bec has her answer already prepared.
“Your most annoying trait? Probably that you’re staring at another woman all day,” she snips.
Danny is exhausted.
“You’re most annoying trait is that you make up that I look at imaginary women,” he replies. “It’s disrespectful. I’m respectful to you. I don’t make up lies about you. Please don’t do it anymore.”
Maybe the next question in The Sledge Box will invite a more positive topic of conversat-
“Do you feel any sexual chemistry?” Bec reads the question.
Danny pauses. “Not too much, to be honest with you.”
Still, he pledges to stay and work through the marriage. Thinking the argument is now settled, his eyes start glancing around, looking for the dessert menu. Bec instantly accuses him again of perving on sexy imaginary pedestrians walking past the restaurant.
She storms out, presumably running after the sexy imaginary pedestrians to demand they stop tempting her husband with their raw sensuality.
“Who do you think you are? David Beckham? Do you think you’re David Beckham?” she begins ranting to no one in particular as she stumbles through a dark Fijian nature reserve, almost tripping over a rack of rental kayaks. “He obviously thinks I’m absolutely hideous. And then he’s angry at ME for calling him out for looking at another woman all day?!”
Bec, we have one more question from The Sledge Box: Are the sexy imaginary pedestrians in the room with us right now?
Married At First Sight Australia continues on Sundays-Wednesdays from February 15 on Three and Three Now.