Te Radar: A humble package tourist in the tasting room of life

Even though I was baptised into the Catholic Church I actually feel about as Catholic as Abu Hamza, the one-eyed, one-handed, bunglingly insane Islamic cleric.

In fact, he could be considered by some to be more Catholic than I am, as he at least believes in some form of God.

It is just a shame that he, and others of his ilk, believe that their god isn't so keen on them discouraging wayward young Islamic go-getters to strap nails, bolts and assorted bric-a-brac to themselves to deliver unto the soft flesh of their fellow Earthlings.

Still, being mentally unbalanced never stopped the ascension of people to the heads of religious or other political institutions.

However, I am certainly not suggesting that the new Pope is mentally unbalanced.

On the contrary, who could be more fitting than a German intellectual dogmatist to dictate how as many as a billion people live. At least he won't be too distracted.
Oddly comforting also is that the definition of fundamentalism in his institution is as charmingly innocent as not allowing women to do much except procreate, and not allowing homosexuals to do anything too gay, rather than a clarion call to exterminate the infidel.

I am looking forward to him helping me out with my biblical conundrum: Why the Bible makes no mention of the existence of dinosaurs. Is it perhaps just a cover-up for Noah's incompetence?

Sadly we don't have anything as glamorous as a smoke signal to alert us as to the decision on who will govern us. Currently the only smoke visible on our political horizon is that of several burned bridges and one badly constructed one.

Instead, with the recent allocation of election funding to the various political parties I suspect that the party boffins will even now be sitting around and planning how to convey their all-important policies in succinct 30-second sound bites.

After all, that will allow us, the voting public, to make informed and rational decisions about who we wish to lord it over us. One has to wonder if the Church was conducting some of its ceremonies in New Zealand, with so much incense being burned, whether Ash or Osh might have piped up and commented on the potential health effects.

As the week draws to an end one is left wondering if there was any religious connection to the white plume of smoke sent skywards at Reporoa, from what scientists described as a "geothermal event".

While some may view it as a prophetic sign from above, I, being more pessimistically hopeful, wonder whether it mightn't have been a sign from below.

While Pope Benedict XVI confesses to being merely a humble worker in the Lord's vineyard, I guess I am more like a wine-swilling package tourist loitering around the nibble table in the tasting room, wondering when the show is going to start.