What it’s really like to fly long haul with a toddler

What it’s really like to fly long haul with a toddler. Photo / Getty Images

No pain, no gain. This is what it’s really like to fly long haul with a toddler, writes Anna Sarjeant.

Fresh off a 12-hour flight from Auckland to Singapore, a kind and grandfatherly looking Kiwi came up to my husband and me to congratulate us. More specifically, he beamed at our son Max. At 18 months old, he’d proven himself a champion flier. No tantrums, no seat kicking, no illuminated electric toys flying across the aisles of Economy.

We beamed. We fist-pumped. But our smugness was short-lived. On the connecting flight from Singapore to London, Max vomited all over the seat and spent several hours staring at the lady in the row behind. Classic toddler. The type they splatter all over TikTok and raise a debate about child-free flights.

Classic toddler: several hours spent staring at the passenger in the row behind. Photo / Getty Images

As the mother in our troupe – in charge and well out of my depth – I had researched and packed numerous items for our slew of long-haul flights. Terrified of tuts, eye rolls, snarls and judgmental stares, the iPad was loaded with Booba (if you know, you know) but I was adamant it would be used only as a last resort.

Foolproof entertainment options included a miniature Etch A Sketch, favourite books and wooden peg puzzles. I regret taking a small bag of pom poms. (“He’ll spend hours pulling them in and out of a plastic cup,” they said.) Not our miniature thug. He lobbed them, individually, at unsuspecting passengers. Fortunately, everyone humoured him and threw them back but, nevertheless, I retrieved them immediately and had one of many mild panic attacks into the sick bag.

Non-surprising elements of our first foray into family long-haul included endless walks of the aisle and marvelling at the taps in the bathroom. We pre-booked the bassinet seat and although Max had outgrown the crib, the extra floor space was a godsend. Less-expected hurdles included the dimming of the cabin lights - for sleeping (as if!). With an energetic child to entertain in near darkness, out came the iPad. I’ll amend my previous statement – it wasn’t a last resort but you can’t be self-righteous if you’re snoring, so I jumped at the opportunity.

At some point, sleep intervenes and parents get a break. Children under 2 fly for free – without a seat – on most airlines so prepare to be shocked at how heavy your toddler’s head is as they wriggle into the nook of your elbow, but hey, I’ll take five hours of pins and needles over another walk down the aisle.

Making memories will always trump the lengthy travel required to do so. Photo / Getty Images

When the food arrived, Singapore Airlines’ staff very astutely asked if we’d like our meals staggered, allowing one parent to eat first and later swap duties when the second meal arrived. Quite genius, and an idea we asked to repeat on our return journey, albeit with a different airline. Mentioning no names, we were told it wasn’t possible. Clearly it is but alas, when there’s a child sticking his fingers up your nose, pick your battles.

Since we’ve now covered the highlights, allow me to quickly brush over the bits that will have you biting your fist and screaming into your knuckles. Starting with turbulence. Airlines do not want your baby’s head bouncing off the overhead locker. Therefore, every time the captain turns on the seatbelt sign, you must buckle up. Standard. But this now includes the extension belt that loops around your tot. Try doing that without waking the blighter when he’s just nodded off (it took eight attempts). If you can deal with the discomfort (more of it), I’d recommend buckling in while they drift off and resisting the urge to unclip. Save yourself the stress of finding several straps while simultaneously balancing a ticking time bomb.

We shall now address the question every parent wants to ask but is too afraid ... When do adults get to sleep? Easy. On the 40-minute drive home from the airport. Don’t dwell on 36 hours of sleep deprivation too much though, there’s plenty of time for that in the coming days (read as weeks) during which baby will fight jetlag, notably between the hours of midnight and 4am. Hurrah.

In light of all the above: the good, the bad and the painfully ugly, perhaps the most important question to ask is whether it’s all worth it. To fly or not to fly? To brave the torture or simply jump in the car and holiday in Hahei.

The answer is unambiguously yes, it’s worth it.

Whether you’re facing a long-haul journey to see far-flung family, attend an unmissable event, or discover dream destinations as a whānau, making memories will always trump the travel required to do so. These are the memories that will last a lifetime, whereas a long-haul flight is done and dusted within hours.

Many, many... many hours.

Top tips

Book the bassinet seats in advance but try to avoid the section next to the toilets. It’s an endless barrage of people and noise.

Pre-download kids’ TV shows from Netflix but watch out - they expire!

Remember to check if your buggy is going straight through or if you have to grab it at every transit airport.

I love a 16-hour+ flight when travelling alone but I’ll now only do 12 hours max (in one stint) with a kid. Those extra four hours feel like 10.

Don’t pack too much. Check with the airline first but we discovered there was already formula onboard.

Limit your time in airports. For us, a 2.5-hour layover was easy but five hours was a strain.

Check your hand luggage allowance. In Europe, even Ryanair allows an extra 5kg bag “for baby”.