On the top floor of this 10-storey hotel was a small swimming pool, ringed with sun loungers. As was typical for Bangkok the temperature was in the mid-30s. As was not typical — even for Bangkok — there were close to a dozen European girls sunbathing topless.
The Thais generally won't tell you, but topless sunbathing is considered extremely culturally insensitive, though it's fair to say cultural sensitivities have not always been the most pressing concern for the Western tourist in Thailand. That matter briefly to one side, I was thrown by whatever rules of society might have applied if we were in Amsterdam as opposed to Bangkok. As in, could a friendly, non-sleazy Kiwi joker (a "card" some might say) in his 20s who generally loved striking up conversations with other tourists, talk to a female who's in nothing but bikini bottoms?
With all the lounges taken, I nervously laid my towel down in a space directly on the wooden slats around the pool. Whipping out my strategically chosen book, selected in the hopes a pretty girl would notice it and think, "My, who is this intriguing traveller at my crappy hotel? I must talk to him at once!", I started to pretend-read Long Walk To Freedom.
In my defence, the intention had been to really-read Nelson Mandela's memoir, even if the motivation was somewhat murkier. And I'm sure the great man wouldn't have minded his book being used as an ice-breaker. But pretend-read I did, as I debated with myself over and over about whether I was allowed to talk to my near-naked fellow hotel guests.
At that stage in my life I very much sought out the company of other people while at the same time being a fraction shy. Hence the benefit of doing a group tour. Hence the desire to get chatting with strangers the day before a tour gets under way. But what would otherwise sound like a heavenly scenario for a young man — Southeast Asia, rooftop pool, European girls, high nudity percentage — had become a stressful conundrum. I wanted to talk to them, but without bikini tops, I didn't know whether I was allowed!
Lying on my front with my towel, my sunscreen and Long Walk To Freedom, the heat of the Thai sun meant that after only a few minutes it was time to flip over. That's when my rib got stuck between two of the wooden floor slats. With all the pent up anxiety of my internal debates of wanting to flirt but not wanting to seem a sleaze but also not wanting a wondrous opportunity to pass me by, I failed to notice the positioning of my ribs.
Turning too quickly, I felt a snap. Pain. Immense pain. Pain that didn't fully subside until roundabout the time I reached Bali and the tour ended.
It had been a long walk to freedom from the pain of the Bangkok Topless Sunbathing Incident of 2010.
Tim Roxborogh hosts Newstalk ZB's The Two and writes the music and travel blog RoxboroghReport.com.
