The Canterbury tales

Derek Cheng braces himself on the platform before taking the plunge from the Mt Hutt Bungy.

Standing on a shaky platform while staring at a 43m drop into white oblivion is an excellent way to stretch your eye sockets and stay alert. Add an icy wind and a throbbing heart and it is hard to remain cool, fearless, dry.

This is not your ordinary bungy platform. If conditions permit, you can ski off it, cheat death by means of your bungy cord, then detach and ski away to the south-side chairlift. This is Mt Hutt Skifield. Adventure funland, with snow.

"When the cord pulls you skywards, it pulls from right here," says bungy operator Laura, pointing in the general vicinity of my crotch. "So, if you have to adjust the big fella, do it now."

I bet she says that to all the boys, but I adjust immediately.

Before doing anything life-threatening, always seek to divert responsibility from yourself. "Don't kill me," I say.

"We try not to let that happen. It's bad for the record."

I feel fairly safe in my full-body harness that lets you launch yourself any way you please. Laura recommends the "elevator" technique - a feet-first, backwards plunge.

The falling is easy, mostly because you have no control. Stepping off the platform is the real moment of truth.

I hold my breath so I have something to exhale. The platform diminishes and, as my whoop becomes an involuntarily curse with lots of wayward kicking, I see the logic in the name. It's like falling down an empty elevator shaft.

The act of hurtling down at speeds of over 100km/h is over in the blink of an eye, or the opening of a mouth. As Laura took much joy in telling me afterwards: "You should've seen your face. Your mouth just kept getting wider and wider."

Coming back up by means of a winch is much more serene; a lack of snow on the lower slopes prevents a lowering and spectacular ski-off for the moment.

Aside from the bungy that was added five years ago, there hasn't been much development on Mt Hutt since 1989. But this year, as tour guide James Urquhart boasts, there are $8 million worth of upgrades, including a six-person chairlift that takes snow-lovers from bottom to top in about five minutes.

In that time, the old quad chair reaches about half that distance.

Indeed, there are bonuses to new technology. The new sixer has foot-rests, essential for skiers who take advantage of the lift's speed and do far more runs than in the days of ye ol' quad. I expect each chair will soon have wind-shields, stereo sound, plasma, and a selection of the latest music videos.

The added height of the new lift also allows access to more terrain, most notably the steep faces on the northeastern side. Skiers can glide all the way to the bottom carpark, as the calm, green sea of the Canterbury plains stretches out in the distance.

The only thing that's missing - and this is kind of important - is the snow. It's normally here by now, says James. Held up in customs somewhere, I suspect. But there's still much on offer.

For learners, there's a "magic carpet" - a 140m conveyor belt taking you up a gentle slope as fast as a baby's crawl. To use it you must at least have the courage of a celery stick. For adventurous snowboarders, there are rails and half-pipes aplenty with which to try to break your body.

But without the white goodness the top-half of the mountain is somewhat mundane in the meantime. There is but one run to be had from top to bottom, over and over, and thanks only to earlier snowfalls and the good work of snow-makers and groomers.

At least it's at intermediate level and runs a good 600m in a vertical drop. I amuse myself by setting challenges: the least number of turns from top to bottom, 13; the most, 179. The descent for the former takes about 200 seconds, after which you may find your knees shaky and eyes somewhat watery.

For the latter, I find myself loving these things known as carvers they've given me - skis that supposedly turn whenever you just think about it. It all makes for cautious thinking, and much less pressure on your joints and muscles. This means no pain in the morning.

I am now convinced my 210cm straight skis will forever remain in the back shed. I would try to sell them, but it would be like selling an FM walkman at an iPod convention.

The next day reveals that carvers don't come with a complete no-pain guarantee. But there is a solution: deep-tissue massage.

At the Sports Massage Clinic in Methven, an hour from Christchurch, it involves the lovely, soft, feminine hands of a masseuse. I've been a bad boy and have knots that need undoing. I am her slave.

It's not normally good practice to follow massage with something that jars your body. But at Horsepower Experience, on Star Stud Farm near Methven, my more immediate concern is avoiding the sticky poo that our horse squeezed out moments earlier.

The experience gives you the chance to befriend an ex-race horse and prepare it for a race on the local dirt track. The race is much less daunting once you are told you will ride with an experienced driver in a double sulky.

Our horse, Pocket Me, is a pacer who once held the Australasian-record for the mile. He also has no problem pooing in front of strangers.

We bring up the rear on the first lap while using intimate nose-to-tail tactics. Pocket Me is either avoiding ricocheting debris, drafting, or sampling the front horse-driver's perfume. Or all of the above.

On the home-stretch, Pocket Me bursts from the back and accelerates. Stimulating as this is, my attention turns to a stubborn lump of dung that is jostling about on the sulky. It rests against my leg, smearing itself on my overtrousers.

Pocket Me wins. I change.

The only danger to your clothes on a Rakaia Gorge Scenic Jet, however, is dampness. Being sprayed with water is all part of being aboard Murray's jetboat as he powers through the gorge at up to 95km/h.

Murray's face has acquired a glow that only 17 years of basking in Canterbury sun and slicing into winds can provide. But his knowledge of the river is infallible. We surge through rapids and around rock edges with ease, though one close call prompts two passengers to flash looks at each other.

The backdrop is as alluring as the activity - dense bush mingling with steep rock and shingle, their colours signalling centuries-old ice ages and glacial recessions. Etched into one rock-wall is the alleged face of Jesus. He looks sour. Having a sour face when the wind changes is unfortunate.

A dead cow upstream, however, is a reminder that nature is not always perfectly picturesque, though it's a source of laughter for one warped passenger.

For his finale, Murray takes great pleasure in spinning the boat through 360 degrees and saturating everyone. It's quite a ride, despite the wet bottom it leaves you with.

But a wet bottom is the perfect precondition for returning to Terrace Downs and jumping into one of a pair of unisex spas that looks out on to Mt Hutt, a stone's throw away. It's perfectly picturesque.

Terrace Downs also boasts a golf course rated in the top three in New Zealand. But after a physically demanding day, the nearby driving range is more inviting, and the perfect place to confirm golf's great mystery: how can a single club and golf swing hit the ball in so many different directions and distances?

A private spa bath back at one of the Terrace Downs units is a perfect way to view the sun setting. Bubbly highly recommended. It's not as thrilling as standing on the edge of a bungy platform, but just as enjoyable.

* Derek Cheng was guest of Christchurch and Canterbury Marketing.

MT HUTT, SOUTH ISLAND

Getting there

Air New Zealand has flights from Auckland to Christchurch for from $230 each return.

Skiing

Mt Hutt lift passes range from $39 youth/senior to $74 adult. Ski hire for a day is $38. You can get two group lessons in a day for $47.

Other activities

The Mount Hutt Bungy costs $89 (you have to be 13 years and over).

Horsepower Experience (www.horsepower.co.nz) Adult $175, a child up to 14 years $125.

Rakaia Gorge Scenic Jet (www.canterburypages.co.nz/rakaiajet) is $65 each.

Accommodation

At Terrace Downs High Country Resort (www.terracedowns.co.nz), a Golf Villa with double spa bath costs $320 plus GST a night, studio units $250, Terrace Villa (2-3 bedroom) $430-$470.

Further information

Snow reports on Mt Hutt are at www.nzski.com. Contact the Mt Hutt Snow Centre on (03) 302 8811.