Sometimes it's refreshing to be left to your own devices - but not necessarily when you're sitting on an elephant, writes Christine Cornege.
Uh oh. I'm riding on a three-tonne elephant through Thailand's tropical jungle when suddenly the mahout - the guy supposed to be in charge of guiding the animal - disappears. What do I do now?
Just like black magic, the forest transforms from colourful, exciting and adventurous to dense, damp
and forbidding.
Riding an elephant had been high on my to-do list in Phuket, but suddenly the prospect of basking on a golden sand beach, relaxing with a cooling cocktail beside the hotel pool, preparing for a steamy night out or battling through one of the numerous shopping bazaars seemed more attractive options.
So, how did I end up dodging rain drops while straddling an elephant's head and wondering how to steer the lumbering monster back to base?
My journey started perched precariously on a rickety platform aboard a rip-eared and sad-eyed pachyderm who appeared to have little interest in life as a tourist transport.
Buckling a frayed lap-belt - apparently repossessed from some unfortunate automobile - our guide cautioned, "Never let your driver get off the elephant".
In hindsight I should have paid more attention to the warning as safety lectures are few and far between in Thailand.
Unfortunately, the caution went unheeded and instead my attention was focused on juggling umbrella and camera as our elephant squelched his way through oozing mud toward the drenched rainforest.
Perched on the elephant's broad head, the driver skilfully guided our reluctant ride along a narrowing jungle trail, bumping down slippery banks and through flowing streams hemmed by dripping broad-leafed trees.
Suddenly, he drew "Glumbo" to a halt, grabbed my camera and fired off a series of snaps as I sat securely on my platform.
Unexpectedly, the photo shoot was far from finished as the mahout suddenly vaulted from the elephant's head and gestured for me to take his place. Undoing the insubstantial belt, I crept up the warm, leathery neck, to the solid and surprisingly flat head.
On the mahout's call, Glumbo rumbled back to action, ambling slowly down the trail as I struggled to contend with his rolling gait. Dancing ahead, the mahout-cum-happy snapper revelled in his new role.
Somewhere in the midst of trying to keep the perpetually hungry elephant headed in a straight line I glanced up and realised the mahout was nowhere to be seen.
Perhaps the driver's disappearance wasn't surprising, after all Thailand often seems like the country OSH forgot.
Wander the bustling streets and clusters of electrical wires buzz ominously above your head like angry, entangled spider webs while bareheaded and often bootless construction workers battle to repair roads and buildings still in disrepair following the 2004 tsunami.
On the road tuk-tuks, scooters and utes - often overloaded with up to 20 people on their decks - battle surprisingly late-model cars and buses that closely resemble converted lorries. The "right of weigh" appears to be the only road rule as larger vehicles herd the ever-present swarms of scooters with a cacophony of horns.
The rule-free atmosphere extends beyond Phuket to the tourist Mecca islands of Phi Phi Leh and Ko Tapu, made famous on the silver screen by, respectively, The Beach and James Bond's The Man with the Golden Gun.
Island tours come with the expected amazing views, photo opportunities, snorkelling, sea kayaking and a refreshing lack of red tape. There are no sermons on safety, tedious head counts or unnecessary hand holding.
Do I need a life jacket? Only if you want one. Can I jump off the top deck of the launch? Of course, just try not to land on anyone else.
Can I explore the far side of the island? Sure, it's your holiday. What happens if I get left behind? Don't worry, we'll be back tomorrow!
See a monkey or snake show and you can come face to face with your fanged entertainers, some dripping venom just centimetres from your nose. If you're brave enough to sample the wares from one of the far-from-hygienic-looking roadside stalls you may well be snacking on one of the less talented performers.
Despite the multitude of potential pitfalls, I wasn't afflicted by food poisoning, didn't see a road accident, nobody got left behind on a trip and I survived everything Thailand threw at me with nothing worse than sunburn.
And, just when it seemed I had been completely deserted by my mahout, Glumbo lumbered around a sharp bend and the pint-sized driver appeared waiting patiently atop a large rock.
As always seems to be the case in Phuket, if you go with the flow everything works out in the end.
CHECKLIST
Singapore Airlines flies direct to Singapore 14 times a week from Auckland and then beyond to Phuket with SilkAir, Singapore Airlines regional carrier, 28 times a week. See SingaporeAir.com/NZ
Christine Cornege paid her own way to Phuket.
