Bathroom: Although the showers are open-plan, the rest of the resort was spared the horrors or seeing my pasty-white and sagging body by the saving grace of louvres and bifold doors that sport some incredibly effective one-way glass — just remember to close the curtains at night.
The bed: A comfy king.
Food and drink: The menu goes quite deep and during my week-long stay I never felt the need to eat elsewhere. I'd recommend the seafood platter (not cheap but unbelievably good) and Neel's wonderful curry.
Price: $300+ per room/night.
What's in the neighbourhood? A small supermarket and petrol station are across the road. A short walk up the beach is another big crowded resort if you feel like a change of scenery, or an injection of smugness.
Wi-Fi? Free and reasonably quick.
Noise: Although situated on the main road, the resort is mercifully separated from traffic noise by a Trump-sized wall. And although you can still hear the occasional truck rumble past, the sound of the gentle sea breeze through the swaying palm trees always wins out.
Room service: Although they have a well-maintained and spacious dining area the expectation is that you take meals wherever you like. Would be a shame to not take advantage of the stunning sea views, so we took our meals poolside, roomside, beachside and in the dining area.
Exercise facilities: Never wanting to be separated from my cocktail for too long, I briefly ventured into the gym and was met with a well-appointed setup in a separate air-conditioned villa. I'd be lying if I said I'd brought up a sweat though.
Contact: mauipalmsfiji.com
What's so good about this place? Joe's snorkelling jaunt just off the beach was quite honestly an otherworldly experience and not to be missed.
The bottom line: It's difficult to fault Maui Palms for its pure restorative tranquillity. The facilities are top-notch, the staff are super friendly and are genuinely eager to help. I loved it and would return in a heartbeat.
