KEY POINTS:
In the Golden Lion, sipping a pint of Boddington's ale, I clarify pub lunches to an American. "What's bangers?" he asks. I explain they are sausages. "Then 'mash' must be mashed potatoes," he ventures.
We watch a group of young people playing darts as he tries to decide between bangers and mash, a ploughman's lunch, fish'n'chips, or cottage pie.
But this is no ordinary British pub, because in another corner a group of "wave watchers" are out in force. We're mid-ocean on board the Queen Mary 2, and strong winds have whipped up the seas.
Passengers love it. The QM2 can handle these conditions: her size, the effectiveness of the stabilisers, and the fact that she's still a liner first and foremost, a ship designed and built to do regular ocean crossings to a schedule, slicing her way through anything nature can throw at her, even a North Atlantic winter, as her forebears did.
So in the ship's pub, there are people with cameras and videos poised to capture that particularly spectacular wave. They don't always succeed. A slightly built New Yorker can't hep shouting in surprise and dropping his expensive digital camera as a particularly impressive roller crashes against the window half a metre from his face.
Not that "wave-watching" appears on the regular entertainment schedule, or in the cruise brochures. It's more of an unexpected bonus.
So I wash down the last of my bangers and mash, and check out the afternoon's schedule of activities from the interactive TV in my stateroom.
There's no shortage of things to do. After all, the entertainment director has a staff of 100, and there are 60-70 different activities each day, spread throughout the 152,000-tonne ship's 14 passenger decks, the equivalent height of a 23-storey building.
So what will it be? Tap-dancing class? An acting lesson? An Oxford lecture about Balmoral Castle and the leisure life of the royal family (500 people turned up for that although we were going nowhere near Scotland). Listen to a string quartet? A game of bridge? Computers for beginners?
Perhaps relax in the fresh air on a traditional teak steamer chair.
I wonder if the design dates back to 1839 when Samuel Cunard founded a "steam packet" company to carry Royal Mail across the Atlantic. There's a sort of heritage trail through the ship with models, posters, photographs, storyboards and memorabilia - perhaps if I followed that I could find out.
Maybe I could indulge myself in a traditional deck game of shuffle board or quoits, or go modern and play a round on the golf simulator, which gives me 52 options of different courses under different conditions. St Andrews? Banff Springs? Summer or autumn?
In the end, I settle for something completely different - a voyage through the constellations in the planetarium, the first of its kind at sea.
There will be plenty of time tomorrow for a swim, to tackle the spa or gym, go to the movies, take in a live show, shake off the cobwebs at dances, balls or discos, head for the internet cafe, gamble in the casino or try my luck with the slot machines, shop, bid at an art auction, taste wine or participate in quizzes, bingo, or horse racing.
That all sounds exhausting. Maybe I should sit quietly on my balcony (79 per cent of cabins have them) and enjoy a book borrowed from the enormous ship's library (8000 hardbacks) while listening to music selected over my interactive TV system.
Then I'll join my travelling companions at the Veuve Cliquot Champagne Bar before dinner in the Britannia Restaurant. Tonight is formal, black tie or lounge suit for men, although last night we just grabbed a pizza in a snack-bar atmosphere.
But this evening perhaps I'll select some sevruga caviar, a chicory and flaked blue-cheese salad with apple-sherry dressing, classic beef chateaubriand with bearnaise sauce and amandine potatoes, followed by nougat glace with caramelised pears.
That should set us up nicely for a West End-style show at the 1000-seater Royal Court theatre.
As the ship's officer said, the QM2 is probably "the most prominent piece of machinery in the world", and not only does it pamper its guests, it's filled with amazing technology.
Passengers can get a glimpse of this technology when they file into a corridor that overlooks the bridge. Here about a dozen people at a time can watch the activity, talking in whispers, and no photographs.
Where is all the action? The bells and whistles, great spoked wheels of wood and brass, signal things that send clanking coded messages to the engineroom? None of that. Computer screens show charts, figures, and views of the ship. The "wheel" is a like a computer-game joystick.
Although the QM2 has all this whizbang high-tech stuff, what sets her apart are the Cunard traditions, that taste of classic transatlantic crossings when ships were used by the rich, the famous, by royalty and statesmen in the glamour days before mass passenger aircraft killed the business. Great steps have been taken to recreate that "feel" on the QM2, best summed up using words like "elegance" and "ambience".
For some, a little bit more elegant than others. The QM2 is a one-class ship, but passengers in some of the more expensive suites have exclusive access to a couple of dining rooms and lounges - and use of a butler. But that doesn't mean the rest of us were settling for "second best". Not on the QM2.
* The original Queen Mary went into service in 1936, and the Queen Elizabeth was launched two years later. During World War II, both were used as troopships, carrying 1.5 million service personnel. The Queen Mary was retired in 1967 and is now a hotel and tourist attraction at Long Beach, California. But her whistle, which can be heard from more than 15km away, has been fitted to the QM2.
Checklist
Her Journey
When Queen Mary 2 arrives in Auckland on February 17 as part of her inaugural world cruise, she will be the biggest ship of any type to visit New Zealand. The trip will take her around Cape Horn, because she is far too big to go through the Panama Canal.
She sets sail from Fort Lauderdale, Miami, on January 10, on an 81-night voyage, spending 59 days at sea and calling at 19 ports. To reach New Zealand, she crosses the Pacific from San Francisco, via Hawaii and Pago Pago. Then she heads on to Sydney.
After Hong Kong, she heads westwards across the Indian Ocean, through the Suez Canal and the Mediterranean, and then takes the southern route across the Atlantic.
On February 11, her "little sister", the QE2, will arrive in Auckland as part of her 25th-anniversary world cruise, which leaves Southampton on January 2. She calls at Wellington on February 13 and Christchurch the following day. The two will meet in Sydney on February 20.
Fares
For 37 nights departing Fort Lauderdale Jan 10, arriving Auckland Feb 17, $13,513; 11 nights departing San Francisco Feb 5, 2007, arriving Auckland Feb 17, $6,831. For bookings, call 0800 951 200, see your local travel agent or visit Cunard Line.
Fares are cruise only, per person, in New Zealand dollars, based on twin interior staterooms, and are subject to availability. Conditions apply.
Win the chance to cruise like a queen
Would you like to join the Queen Mary 2 for its maiden cruise from San Francisco to Auckland?
Cunard and Herald Travel are offering the chance for a reader to win a package worth almost $20,000:
* Economy flights for two from Auckland to San Francisco.
* Accommodation for one night in San Francisco.
* Join the Queen Mary 2 in San Francisco on February 5 with accommodation in a premium balcony stateroom with private facilities, all onboard main meals and entertainment.
* Cruise for 11 nights on board the queen of ocean liners, travelling via Honolulu in the Hawaiian Islands on February 9 and Pago Pago in American Samoa on February 13, arriving in Auckland on February 17.
To have a chance to win this amazing trip you should:
Write your name, address and a daytime contact phone number on the back of an envelope;
Give the name of the port the Queen Mary 2 will visit immediately before reaching Auckland;
Post to "Queen Mary 2 Cruise", Travel Section, NZ Herald, PO Box 3290, Auckland.
Entries must reach the Herald by Noon on Tuesday, December 5, and the name of the winner will be printed in Travel on Tuesday December 12.
* Correction: The Queen Mary 2 and QE2 meet in Sydney on February 20, not February 17 as stated in an earlier version of this story.
