Campervan didn't do it justice. Having lugged a canvas sack around New Zealand, there was not much about the gleaming, white vehicle that reminded me of camping.
Inside there was a fully stocked fridge, three gas hobs, two sinks and a hot shower; this was a campsite on wheels.
Ihad just been handed the keys of a 2018 Autotrail Tribute 720. The road and all its possibilities opened up ahead.
However, with this great 4-cylinder diesel-powered vehicle came a great many questions: Which button does what? How free is "freedom" camping? Did we have to pull over to allow every car to pass or only when the traffic begins backing up to Auckland?
Anyone who has spent time in the readers' letters the Herald Travel desk will know campervans are a divisive subject.
And, if there's one thing that annoys people more than motorhomes, it's motorhomes being driven by rookies, slowly.
Fortunately the girlfriend was in tow but with the sum of our caravanning experience being her distant family holiday though Queensland, we were both fairly green.
The weekend on the road would be an educational, transformative experience.
Would it change us into campervan converts? That remains to be seen.
But here are six lessons we learned as novice campervaners.
Of motorhomes and what to do with them
1. Time moves at a different pace in a caravan ... apologies to those behind
Don't be in rush. When in a motorhome, it is impossible to do anything in a rush. Best routes and GPS estimates are all wildly optimistic and meant for people who aren't on holiday.
Enjoy the road. Wave to the world as it passes by, in a rush behind the wheel of a clapped-out ute. Unlike you they've got somewhere to be. You're bringing your destination along with you, in its clattering glory.
2. It's very mobile for a home but that doesn't mean you will be
Choose your campsite carefully. Once you've found the ideal site for the night, that's it. There's no rushing down the shops just because you've forgotten the ketchup. You're not completely in the wop-wops without a way out but it's advisable to look for campsites close to anything you want to visit.
The girlfriend's plan to hike the Pinnacles might have to be scaled down to a walk along the beach. What a shame.
A campervan driver is like a snail. I mean that beyond the obvious similarities of carrying his home around. Nor do I mean it because he crawls around the landscape at a snail's pace. It is because he marches on his stomach.
There's no pit-stop or scenic viewpoint that can't be turned into an opportunity for a meal. With a fully loaded pantry, the camper becomes a gastropod.
No longer will a primus stove of half-burned beans or the odd charred sausage quite suffice.
There's no excuse for not eating properly when you're driving a kitchen complete with crockery, glassware and a three-ring hob.
This takes us to the next point:
4. Bring tea towels, lots of tea towels
It's the sound of the open road: humming engine, the wind in your hair. In a motorhome this is accompanied by an orchestra of cutlery. If you don't want to conduct your road-trip conversation in semaphore, tea towels can be invaluable for dampening the sound.
Wrapping a layer of patterned cotton between every plate and loose hinge can help.
5. You can outlast weather that would make Captain Scott turn back
Watching the abortive campers turn their tents inside out, we didn't need to check the forecast. There was a storm on the way. It seems half the site had already upped tarps and tent poles and abandoned the camp. Not us though. When the rain set in properly that evening, I was pulling a loaf of garlic bread out of the oven of the kitchen on wheels.
6. The chemical toilet is not a last resort
Like the black box of an aeroplane, the chemical toilet sits tucked away and only consulted in the case of an emergency.
All right, so I was a bit of a wuss around it. But it's enough to say that it was tested, rinsed out and reinstalled. It's still a bit of a mystery. It was certainly a liberating experience to drive a bathroom round with you.
If more vehicles had self-contained toilets the world would be a better place. At the very least, Northland lay-bys would be far cleaner.
DETAILS
Labelled the Airbnb of motorhomes, Kiwi-owned and operated Mighway allows motorhome owners to rent out their own vehicles, and there are vehicles available to hire across the country.
Unlike traditional motorhome hires, Mighway connects you directly with passionate motorhome owners who will pass on personalised tips and insights on where to go and get off the beaten path to discover exactly what New Zealand has to offer.
