If you're feeling delicate, look away. Airbnb is now offering exorbitantly expensive private rentals as part of new push to the 1%, and one of its featured destinations is the good old "South Island".

Bali, Ko Samui, Phang-nga, Phuket, Sydney, South Island Photo / Airbnb Luxe
Bali, Ko Samui, Phang-nga, Phuket, Sydney, South Island Photo / Airbnb Luxe

The new tier, called Airbnb Luxe, is for customers interested in spending more than $1,000 a night on bougie homes with scenic views and top-of-the-line amenities.

The ultra-premium service is aimed at attracting custom from the well-heeled traveller, with a focus on the favourite destinations of the super-wealthy.

Airbnb says the homes must have "elevated design standards," including the use of "premium materials and finishes" and "rare and unique features." The homes also need to have "chef-grade appliances" and plentiful bathrooms to meet the grade.

Advertisement

A quick look at "South Island" reveals NZ$33,043 a night can get you in Arrowtown, chef generously included.

Now, I know what you're thinking, but let's suspend our incredulous wrath and see what we could theoretically experience with money like that.

"Land on the helipad and take the golf cart around this astonishing feat of architecture that abuts the Arrowtown Golf Club and Feehly Hill Scenic Reserve."

Abuts means "touches".

"The fully-staffed compound curves around a multi-tier infinity pool, alfresco dining looks onto the tennis court and private 3-par golf hole, and wood, glass, and steel define the soaring modern interiors. Coronet Peak Ski Area is a 17-mile drive."

Doesn't a multi-tier infinity pool create a wormhole in reality? Asking for a friend.

A quick look at
A quick look at "South Island" reveals what properties in New Zealand can be yours for a mere NZ$33,043 a night. Photo / Airbnb Luxe

An absolute bargain at $18,696 a night is a "Sprawling hilltop estate with city and lake views" in Queenstown, housekeeping included.

"City lights twinkle below the flickering alfresco fireplace and sunken lounge at this hillside retreat near Ben Lomond Scenic Reserve."

Advertisement

Pretty. Alfresco means "outside".

"Glass walls and clerestory windows on 3 sides of the great room capture the dramatic scenery, and wood-panelled ceilings softens sleek finishes."

Clerestory means "high section of wall that contains windows above eye level" FYI.

"Hit the gym, shoot pool in the media den, and cue the sound system by the hot tub. Queenstown Bay Beach is a 6-minute drive."

Don't mind if I do!

I don't know about this one.. Maybe 33k is bare minimum standards.. Photo / Airbnb Luxe
I don't know about this one.. Maybe 33k is bare minimum standards.. Photo / Airbnb Luxe

I'm a little bored already but if you're desperate there is something even more affordable out there in Queenstown for NZ$13,850 a night.

A designer treasure near Queenstown Gardens, but did they forget the garden? Photo / Airbnb Luxe
A designer treasure near Queenstown Gardens, but did they forget the garden? Photo / Airbnb Luxe

"Alfresco stairs pass steel support beams and wooden decks with glass balustrades, and the hot tub takes cover in a modern concrete cave."

Mmm, concrete caves. Love it.

"Dine near the double-sided fireplace, clink glasses in the wine cellar, and take the elevator to the car for the quick drive to Coronet Peak Ski Area."

There's something about taking an elevator to your car that is peak luxury, to my mind.

You can witness the wealth parade on Airbnbluxe.com. I'm off to cry about the housing crisis.