Mission Impossible is mere child's play

On the approach to the Club Med resort on Lindeman Island, the superb beach promises fun times ahead.

It wasn't the ideal start to our family holiday. Geoffrey, aged 2 and brimming with energy and newly developed self-assertiveness, wasn't at all keen to have his mate Tigger x-rayed to see if he had explosives hidden in his belly.

But the security officers at Auckland International Airport were insistent and Tigger was forcibly removed, put in a plastic tray and sent through the machine. Geoffrey was outraged. "No," he shouted at the officers and, "Shut up," his new bad words.

When Tigger emerged unscathed at the far end Geoffrey was still angry at this indignity, snatched his cuddly toy back and threw the tray at the officers, with another "Shut up," to be going on with. Fortunately, they laughed.

Heaving a sigh of relief we made it to the international departure lounge having successfully surmounted the first hurdle in our expedition.

It was a journey that might well have started like the old Mission Impossible television series and the latest Tom Cruise films, with the arrival of a recorded message which self-destructs immediately after being played.

Our mission - self-imposed in this case - was to take four generations of the family on holiday overseas: that's great-grandmother aged 85, two grandparents, two daughters (one pregnant) and their hulking husbands and three-and-a-half grandchildren.

You wouldn't be surprised if a tape blew up after delivering that sort of challenge. Where could you possibly meet the desires of such a disparate group of characters? The grandparents - that's us - wanted good food and drink, interesting walks and swimming in warm waters. Great-grandmother needed sunshine and rest.

The sons-in-law fancied a range of vigorous activities and a few cold beers. The daughters didn't want to spend the whole time looking after the kids and were keen on nice food and lively entertainment. The kids just wanted to have fun.

Oh, and since we were paying for it, I didn't want the price to be out of this world.

I did a lot of research on this, looking for places that provided programmes for children, had a reputation for nice food and offered a wide range of activities and nice warm weather at a reasonable price.

I settled on the Club Med resort on Lindeman Island off the coast of North Queensland and within the Great Barrier Reef National Park.

Sadly, my mother had an accident two weeks before we were to leave and couldn't come. But as one of the coldest weeks of the year swept over the country, the other 9.5 of us headed north to the sun.

Some people thought we were crazy. But we knew better.

We had survived the airport security system and now we had to get the kids through the flights.

One downside of choosing Lindeman Island is that getting there involves two plane journeys of more than two hours - broken by a few hours in the awful and overpriced Sydney Airport - and that's quite tough on little children.

But fortunately, after initial wide-eyed excitement at "flying like Batman" and giving the back of the seat in front of him a good kicking - the occupant was extremely nice about it - Geoffrey slept most of the way.

Six-year-old Kate occupied herself with her colouring book, 1-year-old Jamie was no trouble, granddad managed a wee nap, and before long we were flying over the clear blue waters of the Whitsunday Islands.

Down below we could see coral reefs, beaches of pure white sand, sub-tropical rainforests and even the shapes of whales. Yippee.

The Club Med launch was tied up right alongside the Hamilton Island Airport and after a half-hour boat ride, with Geoffrey looking eagerly for sharks and the rest of us hoping for whales, we were at the resort.

A few of the staff were on the Lindeman Island Wharf singing and dancing to greet us - an aspect of Club Med I hadn't particularly been looking forward to - but they were soon occupied with taking our luggage, providing welcoming drinks and showing us to our rooms.

Aaaah. Farewell to the stress, cold and chores of New Zealand. Hello relaxation, sunshine and fun.

Well, mostly. The weather wasn't great. We had about a day of real sun and after that cloud and rain took over.

A fellow grandfather, Victorian winemaker Brian Stonier, kindly explained, "I trust you now realise that Australia hospitality knows no bounds. We provided this weather solely so you would feel at home." As a result there was only one foray on to the water in kayaks and catamarans and no snorkelling or scuba diving.

But the temperature didn't fall below 21C - and we were greatly cheered by seeing Auckland recorded on the weather maps as 12, 11 and even 9 ... brrrr - while the water stayed warm enough for us to swim every day.

Plus there was lots to do even in mediocre weather. The childcare offered by Petit (2-3 years) and Mini (4-10) Club Med was marvellous with, by the look of it, one carer to every two children.

We hardly saw Geoffrey, but he swam and climbed things and did crafts and learned about dinosaurs and seemed extremely happy.

And the circus school for the older children was a joy to Kate, who just loves climbing and swinging. First time up on the trapeze and she was hanging upside down with no hands. Since coming back she's even been doing tricks on the swings at the local reserve. Young Jamie basically toddled round smiling at everyone, and enjoyed the odd swim, though he was disappointed that his granddad got cold before he was ready to come out.

As for the rest of us, well, I had several rounds of golf and did well enough to consider taking it up again. The nine-hole course is quite challenging, but has stunning views and masses of birdlife.

It's fortunate we took plenty of old golf balls because the fairways are quite narrow and it's not easy to hit straight into the teeth of a gale.

One round we started with six balls, found about six more - the guy in the clubrooms said laconically, "Yeah, you'll lose a few, but you should find even more, because most people are too scared of snakes to even look."

We also tried archery, and by the end were consistently hitting the target, plus petanque and darts. We gave the tennis, basketball, aerobics and spa a miss and the table tennis table was permanently occupied by eager adolescents.

But one of the big reasons for choosing Lindeman Island is that most of it is a national park and there are some great walks through the bush to isolated little beaches or the magnificent 360-degree views of the Whitsunday Islands from the top of Mt Oldfield. Along the way you can see colonies of perpetually squabbling flying foxes, all sorts of birds - including rainbow lorikeets, sulphur-crested cockatoos, bush turkeys and endless swamp hens - and swarms of beautiful butterflies.

We didn't see any snakes, although Kate found a discarded snakeskin on a tree. She left it in her room and the cleaning staff refused to do any work until they were assured that the snake which discarded it was not lurking somewhere. We brought the skin home but it was confiscated at the airport.

Even without diving there was plenty of sealife to see. There were masses of fish at the end of the wharf, even some turtles, and humpback whales frolicking offshore.

But despite all those activities, we spent a surprising amount of time in the restaurant-bar area. I'm sure that was more because of the weather than the fact that all the booze and food was free. We tried all the cocktails on offer, from banaramas and pina coladas to cosmopolitans and tequila sunrises, but only for research purposes.

As for the fact that we all put on weight, that's because we also felt a duty to sample just about everything on the themed buffets. My personal favourite was the individually cooked dish of prawns - lots of fat ones - with onions, chillies and fried rice.

There's also the a la carte restaurant, Nicholsons, if you want something quiet and more elegant.

The range of food in the buffet made it reasonably easy to satisfy even very picky children ... although there was one contretemps when Geoffrey decided he'd had enough, tried to hand his plate to a waiter, overbalanced and landed in the middle of it on the floor.

Even the nightly shows - which I had been dreading a bit, not being a "rah rah everyone join in sort of person" - were good fun, especially the circus performances.

And the trivial pursuits games and quizzes acquired an extra challenge in deciphering what the quizmaster with his French-accented Australian-English meant by: "Neem seex feelms bay Brid Peet."

On our final day a team captained by my wife won the movie quiz, son-in-law Glenn won the darts contest, I played a final round of golf with son-in-law Dean with the aim of losing as many golf balls as possible so we wouldn't have to take them home, succeeded brilliantly and also scored the only birdie (you have to take your triumphs where you can), and Kate and Geoffrey both collected prizes for their efforts, so we certainly ended on a high note.

As the icing on the cake, Geoffrey slept most of the way back and the security people didn't x-ray his new Spiderman ... although he did get bored at the immigration queue and sprinted through the checkpoint - with his mother and a large official in hot pursuit.

So was it a success? The adults had a lot of fun, enjoyed each other's company and returned fatter, browner and more relaxed than when we left. The only downside is that I'm having trouble getting used to the rotten Auckland weather and shaking the 4.30pm margarita habit.

As for the kids, I'll leave the verdict to 6-year-old Kate: "This is the best holiday I've ever had," she said on the last day. "Can we live here so I can join the circus?"

I'd say that was mission accomplished.

* Jim Eagles got a good deal from Club Med for his family expedition. 

Checklist 

Club Med, Lindeman Island Packages

Club Med offers various packages for Lindeman Island.

For the September school holidays children can stay for half price. Six-night packages are from $1255 for children (aged 4-11) and $2885 for adults.

At other times there's a four-night package for from $1999 for adults and $1299 for children.

There's also a stay for seven nights and pay for only six deal (this cannot be combined with the school holiday deal). It costs from $2499 for adults and $1589 for children

All packages include return airfares to Hamilton Island (from Auckland, Wellington or Christchurch), return launch transfers, accommodation at Club Med Lindeman, endless buffets and a variety of all-day dining options, open bar with alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks, Kids Club 2-13 years, age 9am-9pm daily, land and water sports with tuition, and nightly entertainment

Further Information Contact Club Med on 0800 258 263 or visit the website.