In a world of its own

By BRIAN JOHNSTON

I'd been driving through the arid expanses of the Nevada desert for an entire day when the Eiffel Tower loomed up in front of me. For a moment I thought I'd been spending too much time on my own in the heat, listening to radio static and counting the bullet holes in passing road signs. Was I starting to hallucinate? But no, there it was: the Eiffel Tower.

Just down the road the Statue of Liberty thrust her torch in the air and pigeons swooped across St Mark's Square. A sultry Sphinx grimaced in front of a glass pyramid. Welcome to Las Vegas!

It is a hallucination, but one made real, popping out of the desert in flashing neon excess. Ride a gondola, get married in a Chinese temple, roam the streets of Manhattan and shop in a souk: there's nothing like a world tour of Las Vegas for sheer spectacle and bemusement.

Let me come clean: I didn't particularly want to go to Las Vegas, which in my mind represented all that was most awful about America's consumer culture.

But America has a way of seducing you with its easy life and artless enthusiasm, and Las Vegas is no exception. Sure, it's kitsch and unbelievably vulgar, it's mindless and mind-boggling. But it's also fascinating and so splendidly original as to be almost surreal.

Besides, it offers what every traveller dreams. Who wouldn't want to eat French onion soup at the Eiffel Tower without having to deal with an uppity Parisian waiter? Who wouldn't want to gape at the Temple of Abu Simbel without being pestered by touts and flies? This is the best world tour of all, where everyone speaks English, you can drink the water, and the natives are invariably friendly.

Start off at the southern end of the Strip - the main drag of Las Vegas - and you'll also be starting furthest back in history.

The Luxor is a giant pyramid of smoky-dark glass presided over by a replica of the Sphinx. The world's largest atrium takes up the entire hollow interior of the pyramid. The effect is nothing short of spectacular as you're confronted by huge pharaonic statues, brooding in the dim light.

Life-sized stuffed camels nod their heads as you walk past, and sultry waitresses in Cleopatra head-dresses sashay across the casino floor.

The pharaohs never had it as good as this, proclaims an ad for a cafe. Too right they didn't: this version of ancient Egypt comes with air-conditioning and frozen margaritas.

Next door, King Tut gives way to King Arthur at the Excalibur, a turreted castle standing in the middle of a colossal carpark. The theme at the Excalibur seems a bit tired and half-hearted - it takes more than a few dusty suits of armour to evoke the Arthurian legends.

For the most fully realised theme in Las Vegas, head instead to New York New York, which when it opened in 1997 kicked off the craze for reproducing entire cities.

From the Strip the hotel is striking, with its brightly coloured skyscrapers (including a 47-storey Empire State Building) standing out against the blue Nevada sky. Out front, the Statue of Liberty presides over a harbour complete with fireboat and Brooklyn Bridge. Wander through Central Park at dusk as stuffed owls roost in the plastic trees; then head on to Greenwich Village, where you'll even see "steam" rising from the grates in the floor.

Best of all, unlike the real New York, you can rocket around the rooftops of its famous skyline on an alarming rollercoaster - after which you might want to head for the Oxygen Bar to recover.

The screams of rollercoaster enthusiasts will follow you down the Strip on a whirlwind tour that brings you to Monte Carlo and then on to Italy.

Out front, the Bellagio takes on the appearance of an Italian lakeside village where you can eat rustic onion polenta as you gaze across the road at the Eiffel Tower.

Inside, the rustic theme is abandoned to Edwardian splendour, with an opulence probably unmatched in any other hotel-casino. The floors are inlaid with mosaics, the slot machines are encased in marble and even the casino buffet is extravagant, featuring wild boar ribs and seared quail.

For the monetarily challenged, however, the Bellagio's best show - the famous dancing fountains that erupt from its artificial lake - is free. Accompanied by music, the fountains soar and spurt, bringing the crowds along the Strip to a standstill.

Las Vegas has pulled out another piece of pure schmaltz, but there's something strangely spellbinding about this insolent and rather beautiful cascade of water here in the middle of the desert.

Just across the road lies Paris. Here the Eiffel Tower rises (one leg right from the floor of the casino) over the top of the Opera House and Arc de Triomphe in a clever arrangement of limited space. The tower is half the size of the original and made of welded steel, with artificial rivets added for effect, and you can ascend to the summit for fine night views of the Strip. A fountain, trees and a Montgolfier balloon add to the festive air.

The exterior has another priceless asset in its brasserie, the only place on the Strip where you can actually sit outside and watch the world go by as you tuck into your crepe suzette.

Food is better realised as a theme here than anywhere else in town. Authentic French bakeries entice with goodies, and the Grand Cafe offers filet mignon and duck cassoulet under a Belle Epoque ceiling. Even the buffet sticks resolutely to French fare, from coq-au-vin to Brie cheese platters and hearty bouillabaisse.

From Paris you have a choice of destinations on your world tour. Enter the labyrinthine Caesars Palace and you'll be transported back to a rather tired-looking ancient Rome, complete with imperial statues, an Appian Way and a shop-filled Forum.

Stop off at the Mirage and you can abandon civilisation altogether; there's an entire rainforest in the lobby and a volcano out on the lawn, which occasionally rumbles and erupts steam and bubbling lava.

Next door you can enjoy the Caribbean at Treasure Island, which looks like a pirate village. The lagoon out front is the scene of regular shows during which the pirates, with much yo-ho-ho-ing, board and sink a British frigate.

But whichever route you take, make sure you end up at the Venice, probably the most breathtaking of all Las Vegas casinos. Its facade packs in six of Venice's most recognisable buildings, including the Campanile and Doge's Palace, as well as two monumental columns (one topped by the winged lion of St Mark), the Rialto Bridge and a stretch of canal.

Every hour the Clock Tower chimes and hundreds of homing pigeons are released to flap about the square just as they do in the real Venice.

Inside, the Grand Canal Shoppes lie along a meandering sweep of canal complete with gondolas.

Is it outrageous? Oh yes. Could you think of better ways to spend US$1.4 billion? Undoubtedly. But when you're sitting tucking into your gnocchi and a gondolier floats past belting out Italian opera, there's only one sure bet in Las Vegas: you'll have a smile on your face.

Getting there

Five nights in Las Vegas staying at the Circus Circus Casino start from $2439 (US$1436) a person, share twin, flying with Qantas from Auckland. Travel conditions apply. Airport taxes and insurances additional. Contact Flight Centre or your regular travel agent.

Airport transport

Las Vegas Airport shuttles depart from outside the terminal and stop at all the hotels along the Strip for about $8 a person. By metered taxi the trip to the Strip should be around $20. If you're hiring a car, you can pick it up directly at the airport.

Getting around

Local buses run up and down the Strip every 15 minutes, 24 hours a day, for a flat fare of $4 (US$2.30) The Strip Trolley runs every 30 minutes between 9:30am and 2am and costs $2.80 ($1.60) Exact change is required for both.

Where to eat

With everything from foot-long hotdogs to fine dining, you won't go hungry in Las Vegas. Most people go for the legendary hotel buffets. The best are to be found at Bellagio, Paris and Aladdin for around $30 (lunch) and $40 (dinner), but you'll pay less at most other hotels. The cheapest is Circus Circus, where you can eat all you want for just $16.

Where to stay

There might be 130,000 hotel rooms in town, but there are also half a million visitors a week. Booking ahead is a must, particularly at weekends, and will also yield better rates. Shop around - bargains abound and an infinite number of variables seem to affect room rates.

The cheapest times of year are December to mid-February and July-August.

When conventions are in town and at weekends, rates might easily double. Hotel websites often offer special bargains.

Las Vegas

* Brian Johnston funded his trip to Las Vegas.