"Those are the ugliest shoes I have ever seen," I announced with more than a little tone in my voice at dozens of platypus-like rubber clogs hanging on a rope.
I was browsing through a market in Kona on Hawaii's big island and these garish shoes in every colour were
screaming at the crowd gathered to try them on.
An hour later I was sporting a pair in hot pink. My rubber Crocs are now my pride and joy and I am wearing them as I type. They even caused me to acquire the status of "early adopter" as this ugly shoe has found its way to our shores and previous scoffers are also wearing them.
But Hawaii has a lot more to offer than bizarre footwear. Far from the crowded beaches of Honolulu is the Big Island (the affectionate name for Hawaii's biggest island, whose real name is "Hawaii").
The scenery here is as diverse as the bodies basking on towels along Waikiki's crowded shores, and is the most stunning I've ever seen.
It's not often you get to hike over solidified lava to an active volcano spewing molten lava into the sea, but that's what intrepid, camera-toting tourists can do on the Big Island.
Our guide book warned we were not visiting Disneyland - this is the real thing. We drove down Crater Rim Dr towards the steam in the distance, passing lava that had set in stunning textures and shapes. There are no frangipani or coconut trees out here, just kilometres of solidified lava lying forever frozen across hills and farmland, having made its advance down Mt Kilauea.
Its black surface glistens with the silver of fossilised minerals and lies sculpted by the speed of the flow and variations in temperature. In places it looks like twisted rope and in others a giant cowpat. Some areas are sharp, crumbly and extremely brittle. The edges break off and occasionally you can peer into enormous lava tubes where a molten river once roared straight from the Earth's core. Some tubes are so big you can walk through them. Active vents hiss in several places along the drive to the foot of the mountain and every day 2500 tonnes of sulphur dioxide steam blow over signs warning visitors not to breathe the harmful gases.
Suddenly the road stopped because an enormous lava slug had oozed across it, so I pulled our large American rental over and parked in the long line of cars. Grabbing our cameras and a bottle of water (it's hot and unforgiving out here), we walked half a kilometre to the edge of the mass which stretches a further 3km to the ever-moving mouth.
The lava hits the ocean at more than 1100C, causing the seawater to explode into steam and blast rocks into the air. Remarkably, the local equivalent of Osh hasn't banned hikers from walking to where you come face to face with the core of the earth and can peer through crevasses at the bright orange river below.
While you can't feel the Earth shaking from the constant activity, the smell of sulphur and clouds of steam warn visitors that they are most definitely at the home of the fiery Madam Pele, Hawaii's goddess of the volcano. The 1500m high Mt Kilauea has been constantly erupting since 1983 and its oozing lava continually increases the island's size.
Viewing conditions change daily, so visitors are advised to check with park rangers, especially if you're one of the fearless ones who want to take a night hike for the best view of the glowing lava. But after walking carefully over the brittle rock in daylight I'd be a bit nervous with just a torch.
Eventually we'd taken enough photos and it was time to set off for the Big Island's other claim to fame: kona coffee. The sunny side of the island is perfect for growing coffee beans and nearly 600 farms are dotted along the 32km-long and 3km-wide coffee corridor.
We stopped at Kona Joe's to taste the brew and watch the process from vine to cup.
Joe has patented the use of trellises to maximise the sun on his berries. This technique, copied from the wine industry, produces greater sugar content and has led to him scooping up awards. We learned about the different beans (peaberry is apparently what we want - it's when one bean instead of two is formed from the coffee cherry). And then there is the vital job of drying and roasting them to perfection.
After the caffeine fix it was on to the town of Kailua-Kona and our seaside hotel where we found the market selling fresh-flower leis, huge avocados and local fruit - and those ugly shoes.
HOT DEALS
* Air New Zealand is offering two package deals to Hawaii: Three nights in Honolulu for $1465 a person twin share, plus airport and government costs of $96. internet-only price in conjunction with Air NZ Holidays. For travel until December 21.
* Twin Island Treat (three nights Honolulu, two nights Maui) for $1835 per person twin share, plus airport and government costs of $104. Travel centre-only deal, with Air NZ Holidays. For travel until December 21.
More information: Phone 0800 737000, or visit the Air New Zealand website (see link below).
Tourist information: (see link to Hawaii Tourism website below)
"Those are the ugliest shoes I have ever seen," I announced with more than a little tone in my voice at dozens of platypus-like rubber clogs hanging on a rope.
I was browsing through a market in Kona on Hawaii's big island and these garish shoes in every colour were
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