Elisabeth Easther thinks she's found the perfect solution for a stress-free Christmas.
Every year on January 25 my father would gleefully point out to my mother that it was only 11 more months until Christmas. I never did understand why Mum's lips pursed at the prospect. Christmas coming? Again? The mere whiff of it rendered me ecstatic - oddly, Mum was lessdelighted.
Now that I'm older (and moderately wiser) I understand Mum's lack of enthusiasm. She wasn't a grinch and she loved having people around, but for her the festive season was a grind of shopping, cooking and cleaning. As for the time our cat contrived to spend the night in the pantry with the defrosting turkey - Mum took it in her stride with some artfully draped bacon - peace and goodwill would've been the last things she felt upon waking that morning.
These days, with a "to do" list as long as my arm, I get where Mum was coming from. Will we have enough cream? Enough strawberries? Have I bought enough plastic tat to fill a stocking? Have I bought the right presents for the various nephews whose fancies I find it hard to keep up with? Spending sunny December days jostling with crowds in malls sends me into a spin and don't start me on the cost of Christmas - or my horror when the bank statements arrive in January.
Christmas is meant to be fun - why does it feel so fraught? This year, a solution has fallen into my lap - the Christmas miracle I craved. I was offered the chance to go on a cruise around the outer islands of Tahiti from December 11-28 - the only catch being I'd have to write a few stories. The Aranui 3 is a freighter vessel that plies a route around the Tuamotu and Marquesa Islands and it's touted as being one of the best adventure cruises in the world. Squealing on the inside, I didn't have to think twice. Yes please, I said, feeling like I'd just won the lottery.
I have tried to be cool about it. When people recently started asking each other about holiday plans, I've mumbled something about getting out of Auckland and catching up on some reading but I can't keep it in any longer - the truth is, by the time you read this my son and I will be far from the madding crowds. It appears we'll spend the 25th on Rangiroa, the largest atoll in the world where we'll snorkel in a translucent lagoon known as the Jewel Box - our Christmas baubles this year will be multicoloured corals, clouds of tropical fish and black pearls.
And I am genuinely sorry if right now you're agonising over Uncle Neil's sock preferences, or wondering if the latest Jodi Picoult book will do the trick for Auntie Maureen, my heart goes out to you all. The supermarket on Christmas Eve - I've been there, I know what it's like. Sad face. But there's always next year. If you start planning now, you, too could be weighing the anchor and running away to sea. Silly season? No thanks, not this year, not for me.
