The neo-classical 1873 hotel, named after the founder of the chic hilltop village and popular with tourists since the 19th century, boasts a barber and "maestro" of the warm towel, pig-bristle brush and cut-throat razor. It also has the best resident bar pianist in Sicily. Franco plays everything from The Godfather theme (naturally) to Liszt, Dave Brubeck and the Beatles.
He is erupting classics all the time.
Surrounded by osteopaths drinking Neapolitan limoncello, Americans on the bellinis, a delegation from Oman on sparkling Pellegrino and me Birra Moretti, with the room conspicuously free from spats and gentlemen carrying violin cases, I watched the red faces, which looked like they had just come out of a pizza brick oven rather than been in the sun and on the eggplant gnocchi, grappa and culture all day.
You need a designated driver after all that. So you've got to catch an Ape.
The Ape ("ap-pay") was launched by scooter company Piaggio in 1948. Feeling either like a bit of a celebrity or a bit of a twit, you buzz about in a soft-topped, three-wheel 1960 Ape Calessino touring the "teatro antico", which still stages concerts, and seeing the "caveas", where the wild animals were caged. Before they went out mauling.
The crawl entails a visit to Piazza Antonino and a compulsory Blandanino cocktail in the Winston Churchill-favoured Caffe san Giorgio (he used to come in here to paint and drink).
Going back to 1907, it became the Caffe St George just to attract English nobility, and soon became a magnet for the thirsty haut monde. Burton and Taylor, of course, got tiddly there. Everyone signs the Book of One Hundred Thousand Names (Il libroni). Your autograph joins the likes of Cary Grant and Rita Hayworth.
Your crawl should continue down the Corso Umberto main street to make room for a quick one in the Wunderbar in Piazza 1X Aprile. Allegedly, D.H. Lawrence wrote Lady Chatterley's Lover there and Tennessee Williams often drank lots there when writing A Streetcar Named Desire. The American writer described Taormina as "stupendously and overwhelmingly beautiful".
You can't argue. Or leave the bar without toasting La Dolce Vita and Dom Vicenze, the genius mixologist who invented the bar's signature almond wine combining "citrus essences and love".
The establishment is also a trattoria and tests your accordion threshold. In Sicily it's hard to escape Harry Connick jnr and his instrumental version of The Godfather theme, Speak Softly Love, written by Nino Rota.
I returned to the Grand to be given by Franco "Ten Fingers" an offer I couldn't refuse.
He offered to play me Annie's Song by John Denver, with a Sicilian twist. I didn't take it personally. I knew it was only business.
He started to play and I smelled the garden and whispered myself a bit of Mario Puzo, "La Vita e Bello / Life is so beautiful" before catching the barman's eye.
John Denver segued into Barry Manilow via Chris de Burgh. I toasted Franco, knowing we were both honourable men. He started an Elton John medley. I raised my bottle and toasted him again.
Long ago, like Don Corleone, I had learned "that society imposes insults that must be borne".
CHECKLIST
Getting there: Cathay Pacific offers daily flights to Rome via Hong Kong. From Rome there are options to travel on domestic airlines or by ferry to Sicily.
